Jaded
by angel74
Summary: Angry with his best friends, Harry pushes them away and decides to live with Remus at Hogwarts. When forced to see a therapist, will he begin to understand what his nightmares may mean? Daily updates!
1. July 31, 1996

**Jaded**

**By:** angel74

**Summary: **AU. Harry is a very angry boy! He struggles to deal with the awful discovery that he was mistreated by the Dursleys, and what the implications of his nightmares may mean. This takes place during the summer after OotP.

**Author's Note:** This is a companion piece to my original story, **What's Left Unsaid**. I've tried to write it so that you don't have to read the first one, but I encourage you do so if you haven't already. This one takes place between chapters 7 and 8 of that story and should be considered an interlude, not a sequel. Usually an interlude by definition is a short break within a larger story, but this piece ended up surpassing my original intentions. It analyzes what happens to Harry in the month that followed Ron and Hermione's discovery about his life with the Dursleys, and before he is reunited with his friends once more. It will be written through both Harry and Remus's perspectives.

This story is honestly not my best effort having been written in such a short amount of time, but it does provide a back story to a lot of things that were left unsaid in the original. I have already completed the entire story, so you won't have to wait for updates. Yea! There are 32 chapters in all, one for each day that Harry is apart from his friends and they are titled as such. They will vary greatly in length, sometimes being pages long, other times only a paragraph long depending on the flow of the story. My intention is to update every day, coinciding with the day in the story. I know you all will appreciate it.

**Disclaimer:** This piece of fan fiction is for entertainment, and no profit is being made. I do not own Harry Potter or any other of J.K. Rowling's wonderful characters. I only wish to play with them for a while. I will give them back when I'm done.

**Genre:** angst, hurt/comfort

**Pairing:** There is no real pairing in this story. The original story was intended to be a possible trio romance fic, though it's all very innocent. Mainly it was Ron/Hermione, though if you squint and turn your head a bit you might see some H/R and H/Hr.

**Rating:** M (to be safe)

**Warning**: abuse and cutting (all non-graphic!)

**Dedication:** I am a big fan of _Shadowarwen_ and this story was inspired by her fic _Anger Management_. If you haven't read it already, please check it out.

**A/N**: The first and last chapter of this story have a lot of the same dialogue as chapter 7 and 8 of _What's Left Unsaid_. So if it sounds familiar, than it is. I needed a way to transition between the two stories and this seemed to be the simplest way.

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July 31, 1996

"If you _ever_ lay a hand on this boy again, I will kill you myself," Remus growled, looking thoroughly menacing. "Do you understand?"

"I know your rules, you c-can't just-" Vernon began blubbering.

"Shut up! Get back into the house, now!" Remus yelled, it was all he could do to contain the rage he was feeling. It was as though the werewolf inside him was tearing to get out.

When it appeared as though Vernon wasn't going to comply, Remus used a spell that caused the large man to fly across the yard and blast through the back door, knocking over his wife, who had been nosily watching from the doorway. It was a good thing the neighbors weren't still watching.

"That was brilliant!" said Ron, laughing as the Dursleys painfully untangled themselves and ran in fear to some other part of the house.

Remus had thought so too, but then he remembered how Harry had been yanked about just moments ago and he wondered if he shouldn't have done more. He looked towards his friend son and saw that Harry and Hermione were standing together quietly.

"Are you alright, Harry?" Hermione asked.

Harry nodded, but said no more. He turned his back to them and walked away slightly, taking in shaky breaths.

"Hey, mate. You don't have to be embarrassed or anything. It's not your fault your uncle is a complete arse," Ron tried to say encouragingly.

Harry didn't respond and acted though he hadn't even heard. Hermione tried this time. "Everything will be okay, Harry. We'll take you back to the Burrow and you'll never have to come back here again."

"It'll never be okay," Harry said softly.

Ron made a move to go to his friend, but Remus stopped him by placing a hand on his shoulder. "Just leave him be, Ron," said Remus.

"But-" he began to protest.

"He's upset and dealing with a lot right now. Give him some time," Remus explained.

"He's right," said Hermione. "We shouldn't smother him right now."

"Fine, but shouldn't we be going?" Ron asked irritably.

Remus nodded. "Go to Number 7 Wisteria Walk. There you will find a lady by the name of Mrs. Figg. Tell her we need to use her fireplace. Use it to Floo back to the Burrow. Harry and I will be around shortly."

"Why aren't you coming with us?" Hermione asked.

"Because Harry needs to get his things… and I don't think he wants you here when he does that," Remus explained, glancing in the direction of the house.

"But-" Ron began to protest again, apparently not liking the idea of leaving Harry.

"Do as I say," said Remus sternly. "And don't worry. I will keep Harry safe."

They both nodded in understanding, staring at Harry's small form standing apart from them a few feet away. "We'll see you in a bit, mate," Ron called to him, but got no response.

The pair walked away in silence and Remus turned his attention to Harry. The poor boy seemed so lost. From his numerous rounds on guard duty, Remus had long suspected that the Harry's family was not particularly kind to him, but he never once entertained the thought that they were actually abusing the boy. Sure they'd given Harry numerous chores and never seemed to have a kind word for him, but the evidence of outright abuse had been overwhelmingly shocking.

Remus had followed the trio to the park, curious as to why Ron and Hermione had chosen to visit their friend on his birthday when the Order had expressively forbidden it. Under a dillusionment charm, Remus had been able to watch their exchange without being noticed. He had been rather surprised at just how angry Harry had been with his friends for their unexpected visit and how he had practically ignored them during their picnic lunch. Remus would have thought the teen would have been relieved to see them, but instead was treating them like his worst enemy. Harry just seemed… so jaded. It was certainly a side of the boy he had never seen before.

Before he knew what was happening, Harry had attacked his best friend. Something had been said about a "cupboard" but Remus had missed it while he had studied the small boy. Ron wrestled Harry to the ground as best he could without injuring his friend. Remus had wanted to intervene, but curiosity won out and decided to observe a little longer to see Harry might reveal something to his friends that he had kept hidden from the Order. During the scuffle, Harry's sweatshirt and the green t-shirt underneath had ridden up his torso revealing bruises at various stages of healing.

Remus had gasped in horror and saw Ron then proceed to rip the sweatshirt off his friend's body completely before he could escape. Left only his green t-shirt, Harry was left vulnerable to their scrutiny. He was thin, so very thin. And along with the various bruises running up down his arms, there were a series of neat little cuts on the inside of both his wrists and forearms. Some looked raw and fresh, where as others had already begun to scab over. Realizing that he had nothing left to hide, Harry didn't even protest or fight back. He just stood there, shaking slightly, staring down at his own arms as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing either. All the fight seemed to have left him.

Remus knew then that he could not in good faith leave the boy in the Dursley's care any longer, and in the end convinced himself that going to Hogwarts was their best course of action. He had followed Harry back to his relatives, which had led to the exchange he had with Vernon in the back yard.

"Do you want to get your things or would you like to wait here?" Remus finally asked.

Harry seemed to mull this over for a moment and finally said, "It's probably easier if I got everything myself. I have a few things hidden away and it would take longer to explain than to get them."

Remus nodded and headed towards the back door with his wand out. He didn't want to be taken by surprise by Harry's uncle. Remus took a steadying breath, trying to keep his temper in check. He was so angry with the Dursleys that there was no telling what he might do. Harry meekly followed behind.

They found the three Dursleys huddled together in the living room. When they caught sight of them, Vernon stood up quickly, his face nearly purple with rage.

"Now see here! I won't stand for you _freaks_ to be in my house-" he began to shout, but he was cut off by a simple silencing spell.

"Try to say anything more or move from that spot and you'll wish that you had never been born," Remus said in a low menacing voice, his eyes flashing with suppressed fury.

Vernon seemed to pale at this and nodded ever so subtlety to acknowledge that he understood. Petunia clasped onto Dudley even more tightly but didn't dare say anything else.

Harry led to Remus to a cupboard under the stairs and quietly explained that his school things had been confiscated from him at the beginning of summer. Remus performed a simple unlocking charm on the cupboard and found Harry's trunk inside. He quickly shrunk and pocketed it and was about to leave the small space when he saw a small cot at the back of the cupboard.

It seemed so unnatural and out of place. Something Ron had said earlier was starting to make sense. Without having to ask, Remus somehow knew that this was Harry had slept, at least at some point in his life. A deep sadness filled Remus' chest and he quietly stepped back into the hallway. He chanced a quick glance at Harry. His green eyes seemed to dim slightly and it was clear that he understood that Remus knew that this was once his room.

"There's more upstairs in my room," Harry said almost inaudibly, leading the way.

Remus followed him to a small room and couldn't help but notice the numerous locks and the cat flap at the bottom of the door. He was fairly certain that the Dursleys weren't the type to keep pets and wondered what it had been used for. He watched as Harry quickly threw clothes and a few meager belongings into a small duffle bag. He then reached under the bed and uprooted one of the floorboards and grabbed a photo album, his wand, and what appeared to be James's old invisibility cloak. When Harry finished, Remus shrank all but the wand and added them to the other things in his pocket.

"Where are we going?" Harry asked, releasing Hedwig from her cage. She jumped out onto his arm and hooted happily.

"Hogwarts," Remus replied, reaching for the amulet that hung around his neck.

"Go to Hogwarts, Hedwig," Harry told his beloved pet. "Is that a portkey?" he then asked, pointing to the necklace.

Remus nodded, knowing Harry's dislike of this form of travel. All the Order members were required to carry them when on guard duty. "Sorry, but it's the safest way to get there."

"I thought we were going to Floo at Mrs. Figg's," said Harry.

"Sorry, but I couldn't tell your friends about the portkey."

"Why?"

"If anyone found out the Order carried them they could be compromised and your safety would be put at risk."

"Oh."

"Ready to go?"

Harry nodded and stepped forward, placing one finger on the small device that Remus was holding out to him. He then tapped it with his wand to activate it, "_Portus_."

They dizzily arrived in the Hogwarts infirmary, a predetermined location. All the Order members had agreed that should the portkey be activated in an emergency that it may be important to seek medical attention as soon as possible. All agreed the infirmary would be safer than St. Mungo's.

Against Harry's protest Remus quickly fire called Dumbledore and the school nurse, alerting them of their presence in the hospital ward. When she arrived, Madam Pomfrey tactfully ran her diagnostic scans. Remus helplessly watched as the teenager suffered under Dumbledore and the school nurse's scrutiny. A few house elves soon appeared and Remus handed them Harry's things so that they could be delivered to his room.

When scans were done, the nurse administered Harry a variety of potions, some to counteract his malnutrition and others to heal the various cuts and bruises he had incurred. Remus couldn't help but notice the despondent look on Harry's face, especially when the boy noticed the self-inflicted wounds on his wrist has disappeared as well.

Madam Pomfrey went about her duties quietly and seemed almost reticent about Harry's care, which worried Remus slightly. He made a mental note to inquire if there wasn't something more going on with Harry that they were not aware of.

When the nurse did all she could do, Remus and Dumbledore pulled up a chair beside the bed Harry was sitting on. "Why did you never say anything?" Dumbledore asked.

Harry shrugged, refusing to meet he old wizard's piercing blue gaze.

"If we had known…" his voice trailed off, not needing to state the obvious. "It appears that I have failed once more to notice something right under my nose. And for that, I am sorry, Harry."

"Whatever," said Harry indifferently.

Dumbledore sighed. "Do you wish to stay at the Burrow with your friends?" he asked.

Harry shook his head and brought his knees up to his chest, looking quite uncomfortable with the prospect.

"May I ask why, my boy?" the old wizard inquired, looking quite surprised.

Harry shrugged his shoulders in reply still not willing to say anything more.

"Can he stay at Hogwarts?" Remus asked.

"That would be acceptable, but I'm afraid that he will need guardian while he is here."

Harry scoffed at the notion but didn't say anything about it.

"I'll do it," Remus said quickly, knowing that after what he had seen he wouldn't be able to leave Harry's side anyway.

Dumbledore nodded and by the twinkle in his eye Remus knew this was what the man had planned all along. "I'll have the house elves set you up in the Gryffindor Tower."

Remus nodded and the two gentlemen turned back towards Harry, who was clearly trying to avoid their gaze. "I will need to grab some things from Grimmauld Place if I'm going to be staying here. And I should probably say something to Hermione and Ron. They're expecting you to stay with them at the Burrow… What should I tell them?" he asked. Remus wasn't sure if Harry was even listening to him. "Harry?"

"What!" the boy asked, his head whipping around and his green eyes blazing.

"What do you want me to tell them?" Remus calmly asked again.

"That I'm staying here," Harry said firmly.

"Do you want them to come visit?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because I don't, okay!" Harry said hotly, turning away from him once more.

"Will you at least write them? I'm sure they are worried."

Harry shook his head adamantly.

"I realize you might be angry with them for finding out like that, but-"

"I don't want to talk about it!"

Remus sighed not knowing what else to say to the young man who was clearly hell bent on staying angry with them all.

"Can I go now?" Harry then asked irritably.

Dumbledore nodded and Harry scooted his thin frame off the hospital bed. Still clad in a t-shirt and baggy jeans, Harry grabbed his hooded sweatshirt from the side table and quickly put it on. He then shoved his thumbs through the holes he had cut out the seam of each sleeve so that slightly soiled cuffs covered most of his hands. He even threw the hood over his head for good measure. Sufficiently covered once more by his protective "armor," he trudged toward the hallway in search of his tower.

Remus watched the boy with a heavy heart, not knowing how he was going to get through to the angry teenager. When Harry was out of sight, Madam Pomfrey quietly stepped forward and handed Dumbledore the piece of parchment that she had used during her triage.

"I think you need to see this," she said softly.

Both men glanced over the contents, blanching at the list of past injuries. It was much worse than they had all assumed and it was all Remus could do to keep it together. Tears prickled his eyes and he blinked rapidly to prevent them from falling. Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore looked quite distraught as well. Knowing that she was no longer needed, the nurse excused herself and left the two men alone.

"Headmaster…"

"Call me Albus, please."

"Alright, Albus," said Remus, feeling awkward about addressing his elder in such a way. "After seeing Poppy's chart on Harry, I feel that he may need help… help that I don't think we're capable of giving him."

"I've already thought of that," the wizard began looking quite worried. "I have a friend at St. Mungo's who I think may be able to help." When he saw the worried look in Remus's eyes, he added, "Don't worry, I'm sure he'll be discreet."

The last thing Harry needed was someone to blab his story to the media. He clearly didn't want anyone to know what was happening to him at the Dursleys and he certainly wouldn't want to read about it in the Daily Prophet.

"What about the Dursleys?" Remus asked, knowing that it was sometimes difficult to bring Muggles up on wizarding criminal charges.

"I don't know how to deal with them yet. I suppose a lot will depend on Harry," he said. "When he's ready we'll need to discuss filing criminal charges."

Remus was thoughtful for a few moments and finally added, "I'd like to petition the Ministry for permanent guardianship of Harry."

"You do realize how difficult that may be given your werewolf heritage," the headmaster began.

Remus nodded. It had been the reason he had not sought guardianship of the boy when he was a child. He had wrongly assumed like so many others that Harry had been left in adequate care. And after Sirius had returned and expressed his joy over being Harry's godfather, Remus had had no reason to pursue the issue. But his friend was gone now and it was clear that Harry needed a support system. Remus, who had no family of his own, was only too happy to try and give the teen a loving home.

"Then I will see what I can do."

Remus thanked the headmaster and turned towards the fireplace. He was quite exhausted, but he still had two former students he needed to pay a visit to. It was the least he could do for them after they had discovered what had happened to their small friend. It was going to be a difficult conversation to say the least.

* * *

Harry found his way to the Tower and discovered his trunk already lying at the foot of his bed. He desperately needed a shower so he grabbed his pajamas and made his way to the adjoining bathroom. There he went about his normal routine, as though school was still in session, trying to forget about this awful day. He took a long, hot shower and then brushed his teeth and got ready for bed.

He then found his way back to the circular room he normally shared with four other boys. With their things missing because of the summer holiday, Harry got the first real sense of how very alone he was here. Everyone else was enjoying the time off from school with their families, while he was stuck here. At any other time of the year, Hogwarts had felt like his "home." It was only now that he realized that it wasn't because of this place, it was the people in it. With everyone missing it was just a large empty castle.

Harry knew he probably needed to sleep, but he was just too wide awake to climb into bed just now. Instead he found his way to the window and curled up on the large ledge. He looked across the grounds as it began to darken in the fading light. Firelight could be seen in Hagrid's cabin and Harry made a mental note that he should probably pay the half-giant a visit. Then he realized that would bring up a lot of questions he didn't feel like answering and thought better of it.

He sat there for a few hours, his knees pulled up to his chest so that he could wrap his arms around them. He rested his chin on his knee and watched as dark thunderclouds rolled in. Large heavy drops of rain began to pelt the window as the heavens opened up. A downpour quickly ensued, and Harry couldn't help but wonder if the weather was somehow tied to his stormy mood.

He knew he should be grateful that someone had finally thought enough of him to get him away from the Dursleys, but he just felt angry instead. He had long ago resolved himself to the fact that life with the Dursleys was a difficult one. He had accepted his fate, knowing that despite the grief his so called family gave him he was protected from Voldemort there. He didn't quite understand how his blood ties to his aunt reinforced the wards surrounding Privet Drive, but if it would protect him than so be it. He would do whatever was necessary, even if it meant putting up with his uncle, so that he could stay alive long enough to defeat Voldemort.

After what happened at the Department of Mysteries this year, Harry had made some important decisions. Although he always expected his fate to be tied to Voldemort, the prophecy had made it abundantly clear that "neither could live while the other survives." He decided that he needed to begin training to win the war, on his own if necessary, and that he needed to cut all ties to the ones that he loved. He couldn't bear it if he lost anyone else because of his foolishness.

The guilt over losing Sirius had clawed at Harry's chest all summer. Sometimes it felt as though a beast were trying to rip his chest apart in order to reach his heart. This was bad enough. He couldn't imagine how he would feel if something were to happen to Ron or Hermione. He knew he had to end his friendship with them, even if it meant breaking the hearts of the best friends a guy good have. It was better to keep them away instead, and he had intended to give them the cold shoulder once school resumed in the fall. He knew it wouldn't be easy and they would suspect something more was going on, but that was a risk he was willing to take.

But his plans had swiftly changed in one afternoon. If only Hermione and Ron had kept their nose out of his business than none of this would have happened. He was furious with them to say the least. He knew they were well intentioned, but he couldn't help but hate them for outing his deeply kept secret.

He hadn't wanted anyone to find out, especially not them. Ron and Hermione were the only ones that he had ever felt like he could himself with. They were his rock, his constant. And now all of that would change. They would pity him and want to know things that he just didn't feel like sharing. They would stop loving him for who he was and only see him as some poor pathetic kid that couldn't even defend himself against his own family. It was almost enough to send him running for something sharp.

But the more he contemplated the situation the more he realized that maybe this would work to his advantage. Now he had a legitimate reason to push his friends away, even if it did break his heart to do so.

Thinking about all of this, about what he needed to do, Harry grew more and more despondent. He had never felt so alone or so afraid of the unknown. He sat there for a long while just shivering, though it wasn't only from the cold.

Later that night there was a knock on the door. When Harry didn't respond, Remus poked his head into the room.

"Harry?" he called, seeing him curled up on the window ledge.

Without even lifting his head, Harry dejectedly muttered, "Leave me alone."

"Harry-"

"Leave me alone!"

Remus hesitated as if he wanted to say more, but then simply said, "Good night, Harry." He quietly shut the door, leaving Harry to his pain.

Lightning suddenly filled the room with a violent streak of white light. A roll of thunder quickly followed. Harry then heard an odd keening noise, and it took a brief moment to realize that he had begun to sob. Wrapping his arms around his head he finally allowed himself to release the pent up grief he had been carrying around all summer.

He cried for the loss of his godfather, for Cedric, and for his parents. He cried for Dumbledore keeping him in the dark all year. He cried for the stupid mistake he had made that caused his friends to be attacked by Death Eaters. He cried for the injustice of it all.

But mostly he cried for himself.

"_Happy Birthday to me…"_

* * *

A/N: That was a very angsty beginning. Would you expect anything less from me? Let me know what you think.


	2. August 1, 1996

**August 1, 1996**

Remus was waiting for Harry in the common room when he came down the following morning, sipping a cup of tea. He gestured to Harry to join him in one of the chairs in front of the fireplace. Harry noticed how tired and ill the man appeared to be and wondered if it was because of him. He also saw that his robes looked even more patched and shabbier than ever. He couldn't help but wonder if the man was able to find another job after he stepped down from the Defense Against the Dark Arts position two years ago.

"I trust you slept well," said Remus.

Harry shrugged as he settled back against the bright red arm chair. He hadn't really slept at all. He had been too upset to sleep at first and when he finally tried he was plagued with awful nightmares.

"How are you?" Remus asked, sensing Harry's unease.

Harry shrugged once more, unsure of what to say. Remus nodded, seeming to accept that. "Just so you know, I'm currently occupying the dorm room below yours. I'm going to be staying in Gryffindor with you all summer."

"You don't have to do that," Harry said, feeling somewhat agitated. The last thing he needed was a babysitter.

"I want to. It's about time you and I got to know each other a little better anyway," Remus said, forcing a smile on his face. "But-"

"I knew there was a 'but.'"

"There are a few ground rules."

"Like what?" Harry asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well, the same rules you would follow during the school year still apply so no wandering the halls at night. You need to at least be in the common room by curfew. In addition… you are allowed out on the grounds, but I do ask that you at least tell me where you are going. And you are not to go anywhere near the Forbidden Forest," Remus added.

"I guess that's alright," said Harry, feeling somewhat relieved.

"There are a few others, however…" Remus began once more. "You may spend your time how you wish, but you will eat three meals a day with me."

That one kind of irked Harry. "Why?"

"I need to know that you are eating. You are much too thin," Remus reasoned as he took another sip of tea.

"No, I'm not!" Harry shouted, knowing that it wasn't the truth.

"You are, and I'm sure it was your relatives who were responsible. You looking like you're wasting away."

Harry knew he looked awful. There really was no denying it. "So!"

"So it's important that you begin to gain weight. Unless you would rather stay the smallest in your class until you graduate..."

Harry couldn't help but see the logic in what his old professor was saying and nodded reluctantly. He had always hated being so small, but had never entertained the notion that it might have something to with his relative's neglect. He had lost quite a bit this summer, though it was probably more because of his lack of appetite than anything the Dursleys had done this time.

"You will also refrain from inflicting any more injuries upon your person," Remus continued, sounding as though he had practiced this part of the speech all night. "If you feel such urges then you need to immediately speak to me or your therapist."

Harry feigned confusion. "I don't know what you are talking about."

"Yes, you do, Harry. You need to promise that you won't cut yourself again."

"Sure, fine. Whatever," Harry agreed.

Remus raised an eyebrow at this, but said nothing more.

Harry then remembered something that Remus said before, "Wait a minute, what therapist?"

"Dumbledore has arranged it so that you will be attending therapy three times a week with a healer from St. Mungo's. He will come to the castle Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at 9 AM for your sessions."

"What!" Harry exploded. "You can't make me do that!"

"Yes, we can."

"No, you can't! I'm not going to go to some _shrink_."

Remus seemed puzzled by the Muggle colloquialism. "If you want to stay at Hogwarts, then yes you will," he said calmly.

"Then I won't stay here. I'll just leave!" Harry shouted, standing up now.

"And where would you go? You already expressed that you do not wish to go to the Burrrow," Remus reminded him.

"I don't know, maybe I'll stay the Leaky Cauldron or something. I have before. Just anywhere but here!"

Remus set aside his tea and stood up beside the angry teen. He held up his hands in a placating gesture and said, "Calm down and think this through Harry… you would never be safe on your own. Do you really think you would last very long without any protection? The Death Eaters would hand you over to Voldemort within minutes of leaving the protective wards around the castle. You're safe here… don't do something irrational because you are upset with us."

"Upset? Upset doesn't even cover it!" Harry yelled angrily. "You all think I'm some sort of head case!"

"No, we don't."

"Yes, you do! Why else would you send me to some therapist!"

Remus took a deep breath and moved his head a little lower in order to capture Harry's fiery gaze. "I used to see a therapist. Do you think less of me for doing so?"

That seemed to give Harry something to think about, and he paused. "Well… no," he said lamely. "You really did?"

His former professor nodded. "First when I discovered I was a werewolf and later after… after your parents died. I had lost all my friends in one day and I was pretty messed up about it. The betrayal had been almost too much to bear."

"Oh."

"So you see, sometimes therapy can help us overcome traumatic events."

"But I don't need therapy," Harry continued to protest. "I'm fine."

"Are you really?" Remus said, leveling the teenager with a knowing look. "Just give it a chance. Maybe you can work though some of this anger you keep feeling."

Harry shrugged once more, realizing that he had lost this particular battle. It wasn't like he really had a choice in the matter, so he'd go to the stupid therapy sessions. That didn't mean he had to say anything while he was there though.

"Before I forget, I have some things for you from your friends," said Remus, changing the subject.

"What?"

"They said to tell you Happy Birthday." Remus moved towards one of the study tables and pointed to a bundle of presents. Harry moved forward, and gently moved the wrapped boxes around on the table, wondering if he should open them. They had tried to give him these at the park before he had run off. He was curious what he had gotten, but he felt conflicted as well. Did it really matter what his friends had gotten him if he didn't plan on speaking to them ever again?

"They're very upset about what's happened. You should at least send them an owl," Remus suggested.

But Harry ignored him. Before he knew what he was doing he found himself opening each one. Hermione had gotten him a talking homework diary to help him keep track of all of his assignments. Ron had gotten him large box of Bernie Bott's Every-Flavour Beans and a subscription to a Quidditch magazine. There was also a small chocolate cake that looked delicious, even if it was a little smashed on one side.

"These came by owl as well," said Remus, pointing to some others.

The twins sent some of their joke products to their investor and Hagrid had thoughtfully made Harry some rock cakes, though he was sure he wouldn't be trying any of them to be on the safe side. Harry set these with the others trying to determine how he felt about all of this.

"And this is from me," Remus continued, handing him an envelope. "I know it's not much but I hope you like it. I found them when I was gathering my things to come stay with you this summer."

Harry accepted the envelope and peeked inside. There he found several pictures of his parents when they attended Hogwarts as students. There were a few of the Marauders as well, and Harry's heart clenched at the sight of Sirius. He looked so young and alive in the moving pictures, and his loss was still so fresh in his mind. Peter was in some of them as well, but always seemed to be standing in the background.

"Thank you," Harry said softly, already planning to add these to his photo album.

"It still hurts, doesn't it?" Remus asked, his voice thick with emotion when he saw Harry lingering over a picture of Sirius.

Harry nodded and sniffled. "I still can't believe that he's gone," he said letting go of some his anger to open up to the man. It was clear Remus was still grieving as well.

"Neither can I…"

Harry's stomach chose that moment to rumble loudly causing both of them to laugh slightly at the sudden intrusion.

"Professor Lupin-" Harry began.

"Please, call me Remus," he said. "I'm not your professor anymore."

"Fine, Remus…" Harry said, trying it out. "Sirius fell through that veil. Is there any way-"

"No, Harry. There's not," Remus interrupted him. "I know you miss him, but you shouldn't dwell on any notions that he can be saved. If I could I would, but there just isn't. He's gone."

Harry nodded, feeling somewhat disappointed. He hadn't been able to put the image of Sirius falling out of his mind all summer and had planned to do some research on the veil when he returned to school. Now he knew that it wouldn't be necessary.

"Do you want to get some breakfast?" Remus asked, changing the subject once more.

Harry shrugged. As much as he didn't feel like eating he couldn't really deny that he was hungry. His stupid stomach had already given him away.

Remus smiled. "Of course, follow me," said the older man, leading Harry out the portrait hole.

Harry soon realized that they were going to the kitchens instead of the Great Hall. Staff members apparently didn't eat in the main hall during the summer months; not that there were many staff members around right now. Most of the staff seemed to be on holiday or off on business for the Order.

Remus made a comment about the house elves possibly setting up a table in the Gryffindor common room, but Harry didn't pay too much attention. His mind was else where- thinking about the presents that Ron and Hermione had sent.

They truly were the best friends a guy could have, but he loved them too much to put them into danger any longer. He had to remain hardened about what happened if he ever had a chance at pushing them away.

Harry found himself almost overwhelmed by the house elves in the kitchen. Winky and Dobby had lovingly attached themselves to either one of his legs and wouldn't let go as they regaled the other house elves with stories about their encounters with him. He tried not to be irritable, but he wasn't in the mood for their cheery nature just now. Remus and Harry soon found themselves sitting down to a feast, though each of them only ate a small meal.

After breakfast, Remus excused himself to go speak with the headmaster while Harry returned to the common room. He instantly recognized the owl that was waiting for him when he arrived. It was Pig.

The teeny bird was jumping up and down so excitedly that Harry had difficulty retrieving the letter that was tied to its leg. As expected, the letter was from Hermione and Ron. Harry carefully unrolled the parchment and read.

_Dear Harry,_

_We're so sorry that we came to Surrey and caused you so much trouble. We were worried about you and wanted to visit you on your birthday. We didn't realize just how awful the Dursleys were being to you. Know that we only had your best interests at heart. Please forgive us._

_Love, Hermione and Ron_

Despite their good intentions, Harry was still so angry that he promptly burned the letter in the fireplace. He watched as the piece of parchment began to curl and blacken as the flames licked the edges. A hole quickly burned through the center and within a matter of seconds it was incinerated, leaving only ashes behind as a remembrance.


	3. August 2, 1996

**August 2, 1996**

Another letter arrived today from his friends, but Harry threw it away without ever bothering to read it. He couldn't allow himself to remain attached to them. He was sticking to his plan to push them away and frankly he was still somewhat irritated that they had discovered his awful secret.

It was just after breakfast and now Harry was being led through the castle to his first therapy session. Having never been to therapy before, Harry didn't know what to expect. He was unbelievably nervous about speaking to anyone about the Dursleys. It was really no one's business but his own and he wasn't sure how he felt about being forced to talk about it. He didn't even want to think about his horrid family really. He was mentally prepared to say as little as possible about them.

Remus walked beside him silently as he led him to a spare office on the second floor. When they arrived, he knocked on the door and the St. Mungo's healer invited them inside.

"Hi, I'm Healer Thomson, but you can call me Mitchell or Mitch for short," said the man.

Harry crossed his arms over his chest to express his dissatisfaction over being here and simply said, "Hi."

Mitch smiled but looked as though he were waiting for Harry to say more. When the boy wasn't forthcoming Remus stepped up and said, "This is Harry. I'm Remus Lupin. Harry is under my care for the remaining summer."

"It's a pleasure to meet you both," said Mitch, extending his hand to shake theirs. Harry reluctantly obliged.

"Are you staying?" Harry asked Remus.

"No, your sessions are private," he explained. "You may come back to the Common Room when you are done."

Harry nodded and then watched as Remus quietly left. Mitch gestured towards one of the chairs and Harry took a seat. The small office was simply furnished. There was a desk in one corner of the room that appeared no to have been used for a very long time. Two red arms chairs flanked the fire place on either side and there was a large window that gave a spectacular view of the surrounding forest.

Harry observed the Healer as he took a seat beside him and noticed that although the man looked quite youthful, he was probably older than he would have first guessed. He was handsome for a wizard, with short brown hair that was neatly cropped against his head. He was beginning to grey a little so his hair was peppered with few silver hairs that made him look more distinguished. He was rather tan beneath his simple robes and held an air of someone who enjoyed the outdoors. Laugh lines highlighted his warm smile and his bright blue eyes put Harry instantly at ease, making it difficult for Harry to keep up an air of indifference.

"Before we get started today, I'd like to introduce myself. As you know I'm Mitchell Thompson and I've worked in the St. Mungo's psychiatric ward for 15 years now. I have a beautiful wife and two small children and a pet kneazle. I enjoy canoeing and hiking. I'm a _huge_ Quidditch fan and I'm hoping to play on our hospital team this year," said Mitch. "Now why don't you tell me a little about yourself."

"What do you mean?"

"Tell me whatever you want to about yourself so I can get to know you better," Mitch said patiently.

"I'm Harry Potter," he said in a deadpanned voice.

"Yes, I know."

"Everyone knows who I am. Don't you?" he asked. He didn't mean for it to sound so conceited. He was just used to being famous. He hadn't encountered any one yet in the wizarding world who hadn't heard his story.

"Of course. But that doesn't mean I understand who you are."

"What's there to know? I faced Voldemort when I was a baby, he disappeared for a while, my parents died, and I have a scar on my head." Harry decided to leave out more recent events.

Mitch frowned. "Sounds to me like that's the textbook version of your life story. I think who you are as a person goes much deeper than that. Tell me more…"

"I don't know what you want to say."

"Tell me about your friends," Mitch suggested.

"I'd rather not."

Mitch raised an eyebrow in surprise but didn't push the issue. "Alright, do you mind if I asked a few questions?"

Harry shrugged.

"Okay… lets start off with who you admire most?"

"Excuse me?" said Harry, unsure of the question.

"Who do you admire most? Who would you like be if you could?"

Harry hesitated for a long while. He wanted to automatically say Ron because he had always longed for a large family like his and they made him feel welcomed. He could also say that he admired Hermione because she truly was the brightest witch in their class and fiercely loyal as a friend. But he thought this might be silly. Weren't kids supposed to admire someone older than themselves? Besides, he wasn't speaking to his friends any more.

In the end, Harry said, "Dumbledore, I guess."

"You hesitated for a long while. Was there someone else you thought of first?"

"No," Harry lied.

"And why did you choose the headmaster?" Mitch asked, jotting something down on the pad of paper he was holding.

Harry was surprised to see him using a pen as well and wondered if maybe Mitch was a Muggleborn. "I don't know. He's really powerful."

"And you wish to seek power."

Harry shrugged again. "Not really. I just need to be powerful enough to stop Voldemort."

"You seem to think that this is your responsibility."

"It is."

"Why?"

Harry knew he couldn't reveal the contents of the prophecy to a stranger so he crossed his arms over his chest and said, "It just is."

"Okay, let's try another question. When was the last time you felt true happiness?"

Harry blanched at the question and wracked his brain trying to think of something to say. The minutes ticked by as Mitch patiently waited for Harry to reply. But he could think of nothing to say. Shouldn't he have a response by now? Honestly, he couldn't remember every being truly happy except when he was with Ron and Hermione. He swallowed against the lump in his throat and said the only thing he could think of. "When I'm with my friends."

"And who might that be?"

"…"

Mitch sensed that this was a topic that Harry didn't wish to discuss, but pressed on anyway. "Okay, who they are doesn't matter, I guess. So why do you feel happy with them?"

"I don't know, I just do," said Harry, growing agitated with these questions. He hadn't planned on saying much of anything but the odd questions had thrown him for a loop. He had expected to forced to talk about his relatives. He certainly wasn't prepared for this. "I thought we were going to talk about the Dursleys or something."

"We will. If you rather talk about your relatives or if there is something else you want to talk about then I am more than happy to oblige."

"No!"

Mitch sighed and jotted something else onto his notepad. "I'm just trying to ease you into this process, Harry. Introductory sessions usually begin by establishing a rapport with one another so you feel comfortable to talk about things that may be a little more upsetting later on. If you want we can jump ahead and talk about what happened a couple of days ago."

"I'd rather not."

"Your friend's decided to pay you a visit and learned something that you had tried to keep secret, didn't they?" he asked, pursuing the issue anyway.

"They had no right! I tried to tell them to leave and that I would get in trouble but they wouldn't listen!"

"Are you upset they found out about the abuse or that they wouldn't listen to your request?"

"I wasn't abused! Why does everyone keep saying that! My relatives were shitty, alright? They hated me and maybe my uncle smacked me around once in a while. That doesn't mean I was abused!"

"How would you describe abuse then?" Mitch said calmly.

"What?" Harry said, still trying to catch his breath after his rant.

"You said you weren't abused, but there are some others who would disagree. I'm curious as to what you think the definition of abuse is."

"I-I don't know… when a kid is beaten really badly and stuff, I guess."

"And you don't see yourself in that position?"

"I don't know… why does it matter!"

"Because until you understand what happened to you, Harry, you won't be able to move on."

"So!"

"So, do you really want to spend the rest of your life risking your life by taking a blade to your arm because you don't know how else to deal with what happened to you?" he asked.

Apparently he had already been filled in with the details from someone, presumably Dumbledore or Remus. Harry could feel the anger rising in his chest now and he didn't want to spend another second in this room with this man.

"Harry… I'm sorry, that was out of line. I'm only trying to make you understand how serious the situation has become."

"Can I leave now?"

"Our session is really not over for another half an hour," Mitch began.

"I want to leave!" Harry said walking towards the door.

"Alright, but I'd like to see you back on Monday."

"Whatever," Harry muttered, yanking the door open.

The coolness of the hallway felt good against his hot face. He ran down the corridor and raced down a set of stairs only to find that they were beginning to move. Frustrated by everything that had happened in the last two days he plunked down on the step he was standing on and leaned his face against the railing. He had just run out on his first therapy session. If that didn't say what a total nut case he was, he wasn't sure what would.

Once the staircase stopped moving, he headed towards the tower. He spent the rest of the day working on homework, which was a relief since he hadn't even began it yet, and thought about what Mitch had said.

Did he really turn towards self inflicting himself with injuries whenever he became upset? He could handle everything, right?

Now he wasn't so sure. What had first started as an innocent scratch while sorting through his trunk and soon became something more. Something deadly serious.

That night his dreams started off with Ron and Hermione yelling at him for abandoning them. Slowly it morphed into a nightmare about his uncle. Harry was locked in his room with no hope of escape and his uncle was bearing down on him.

"_Come here boy!" Vernon yelled, grabbing Harry by the neck._

Harry screamed and startled himself awake. His heart was pounding madly in his chest and before he knew what he was even doing he was at the foot of his bed digging into his trunk.

* * *

A/N: As stated earlier, Harry's therapy sessions will take place on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I went so far as to look up the actual dates that these days occurred in 1996 as well as researched the date of the actual full moon- because of Remus. Was this necessary? Probably not. But I'm a stickler for details. Oh and just so you know… in my mind Mitch looks a lot like Mel Gibson.


	4. August 3, 1996

**August 3, 1996**

Saturday morning, Harry grudgingly joined Remus for breakfast at the table that had been set up in the common room. He slumped down in his chair and took a piece of toast and spread some jelly on it. He had only begun to nibble on it, when Remus suddenly reached out and grabbed his wrist.

The speed at which he had done so surprised Harry and he was too shocked by what the man had done to tear his arm away. It was too late anyway. Remus had already seen the evidence for himself.

"You promised me, Harry," Remus said, his voice was low and menacing.

Harry tried to shrug, but soon found Remus towering over him, pulling both wrists toward him. Three small cuts had been made on either one, marring the pale skin. Remus knew that these cuts were fresh because they had only just begun to scar over and his previous self-inflictions had been healed.

Before Harry could say another word, Remus had bolted up the stairs to the boy's dormitory.

"Wait!" Harry yelled after him.

He took the stairs two at a time, but was no match for the speed of the werewolf. He entered his room to find Remus throwing all of his things out of his trunk and onto the floor.

"What are you doing?" Harry cried, trying to pull Remus away. "That's my stuff."

"You promised!" Remus yelled, frantically looking for something.

"Leave it alone! Don't touch that!" Harry yelled, trying to grab his things back from him.

Remus snarled at him and pulled out his wand. He cast a spell at Harry and the small teen found himself immobilized.

"You can't do this!" Harry yelled, feeling the tears beginning to prickle behind his eyes.

"I believe I just did," said Remus, beginning to paw through his things once more.

"Let me go!" Harry screamed.

Remus ignored him and continued about his business. When he was finished with his search, various implements were lying on Harry's bed. There was the pen knife that Sirius gave him, though only the hilt remained. There were also the shards that remained from the mirror his godfather had given him, as well as the knife he used from his potion's kit to chop ingredients. Alongside them was Harry's wand.

Remus carefully repacked the rest of his things into his trunk and turned to face him. "You promised me," he said once more. "And you broke that promise. I cannot trust you to leave these things in your possession."

"You can't take my stuff. Sirius gave me that!"

"The mirror," Remus said softly, realizing now what the shards were. He gently arranged the pieces on the bed so that he put it back together once more, looking quite sad and wistful. "Why didn't you-"

Harry knew Remus was going to ask him why he didn't use the mirror to contact Sirius before leaving to go to the Ministry that fateful night only a couple of months ago, but then thought better of it. Harry had only thought of it after he had returned to Hogwarts and shattered it in his grief. The shards had now become a way to release the pain Harry felt inside. Remus would never understand.

Harry watched as Remus shrunk them all and placed them carefully into a pocket in his robes. "You can't take my wand!" Harry cried, as Remus undid the spell that had immobilized Harry.

Remus sighed tiredly. "Yes, I can. I'm your permanent guardian now."

"But I need my wand!"

"Students are not allowed to use magic during the summer holidays, anyway," Remus reminded.

"But what if there's an attack?"

"There is no place safer than Hogwarts," said Remus.

"Then why was I returned to the Dursleys every year?" Harry challenged him.

Remus didn't seem to have an answer for that, though Harry really couldn't fault the man for that decision. Harry's pleas to stay at school during the summer holidays had always fallen on deafly ears, mainly Dumbledore's.

"You're my guardian?" Harry asked, only now comprehending what Remus had said earlier.

"Yes, I was going to tell you over breakfast this morning," Remus replied. "I petitioned the ministry yesterday morning and it came through last night."

"Oh," said Harry, feeling somewhat deflated now.

He had always wanted a new guardian, someone to take him away from the Dursleys and provide him with a proper home. He had always hoped that it might be the Weasleys, until Sirius came along. He knew that his godfather couldn't provide him with a proper home, being a wanted man and all, but Harry had wanted to be with him nonetheless. Now it seemed that would never happen.

He supposed he should be happy that Remus had petitioned guardianship of him, but he was only left feeling frustrated instead. This was not how it was supposed to happen. Remus didn't really want him, he just felt sorry for him. He probably felt obligated to take him in because he was friends with his parents and with Sirius. Not that he had really "taken" Harry in. Remus didn't have anywhere to live, that Harry knew of. They were staying in the castle. He assumed that Remus had stayed at the Order's headquarters this past year on Sirius's good graces.

What did this guardianship even mean really? Was he only looking out for Harry or would he try to become his "parent" somehow? Harry knew that Remus didn't really care about him or else he would have tried to gain guardianship of him sooner. He just pitied harry. That was all.

Well, Harry didn't want Remus's pity. And he was going to make damn sure that the man knew it.

After a few moments of silence, Remus asked, "Is that okay? That I'm your guardian, I mean…"

Harry shrugged indifferently. "Yeah, whatever…" he said, plopping down on his bed and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Can we talk about this?" Remus asked.

"No."

"Do you have any questions?" he tried again.

"No."

"Alright… can I heal your cuts for you at least?"

Harry looked down at the incisions on his wrist. They weren't that deep this time and would be gone within a matter of days. He liked how they looked and they served as a reminder of the pain he was feeling. "No," he said softly. "They're fine."

Remus seemed surprised by this. "Why are you doing this, Harry?"

Harry looked away, unable to meet the man's piercing gaze. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

Harry refused to say anything more and turned away from the older man. He wasn't really sure he understood what he was doing to himself.

"Would you like to finish breakfast?"

Harry again refused to speak and lay down on his bed, facing away from Remus.

"Alright, have it your way…" said Remus. "I'll see you at lunch."

Harry rolled his eyes, already knowing he wouldn't. Harry would skip every meal if he had to in order to avoid Remus. He hated him for taking his things away and he didn't need anyone's pity. That was for sure.


	5. August 4, 1996

**August 4, 1996**

Harry spent the better part of the day trying to avoid Remus. He had even gone as far as working on some of his homework in the library rather than face the infuriating man. He had even taken his meals in his room, rather than join him in the common room. He had been surprised that Remus had even let him, considering that one of the rules was that he had to eat all of his meals in the man's presence.

Harry knew he was being rather harsh, but he had somehow convinced himself that the only reason why Remus had become his guardian was out of it pity. He didn't care about Harry, so Harry wasn't going to care about him.

Harry checked his watch and saw that it was 9:30 PM. Hoping that he could return to Gryffindor tower without running into the man, he gathered his things and set back toward his room. When he reached it, he found that there was another letter from his friends waiting for him on his pillow. An owl must have come while he was out.

He turned it over and over in his hands wondering if he should open it. The last one they had sent he had promptly thrown away. He knew that they meant well but it was better to push them away. A part of him was still upset with them, but in his heart he loved them both deeply. He couldn't bear it if they were hurt again because of him. It was better this way.

He crumpled the parchment into a ball and threw it into the waste bin, next to his untouched birthday cake. He knew they would be gone tomorrow morning when the house elves came to clean the room.


	6. August 5, 1996

**August 5, 1996**

Harry grudgingly walked down to therapy again today. He assured Remus that he could find the office on his own. He was still somewhat angry with the man and didn't want to be in his presence any longer than necessary, but he also wanted a few minutes to himself to collect his thoughts before entering the room.

He knocked on the door promptly at 9 AM, and Mitch quickly ushered him inside.

"Good morning, Harry. How are you?" asked Mitch, seeming quite chipper.

"Fine I guess."

"Didn't you sleep well?" the healer asked as they both took a seat.

Harry was surprised by the question. "I slept fine," Harry lied. Why?"

"You just seemed tired is all."

Harry was always tired. It seemed to be a constant state of being for him. He never got a decent night's rest. When he wasn't dreaming about his uncle coming after him, he was dreaming of Sirius or Cedric dying. He just couldn't seem to turn off his mind at night.

"I think we might have gotten off on the wrong foot. I want to apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable by my questions," said Mitch, seeming genuine.

Harry was surprised by this. "It's alright, I guess. Sorry I ran out like that."

"It's okay. I understand," Mitch said with a smile. "Where would you like to start today?"

"Huh?"

"What would you like to talk about?"

"I don't know," Harry said with a shrug.

"If you don't mind, why don't we start with your family..." Mitch said, taking advantage of Harry's indecisiveness.

Harry felt his heart beat begin to quicken. "What about them?"

"Tell me their names, what they're like, anything really…"

Harry figured he could do that. "I lived my mom's sister, Petunia. Dumbledore made her take me in when I was a baby."

"What is she like?"

"A horse," Harry said, laughing under his breath.

"Excuse me?"

"She looks like a horse. She has this long face and long neck. All I can think of is a horse when I look at her."

"And your uncle?"

"Uncle Vernon looks like an overgrown pig."

"He's rather large I take it."

Harry nodded. "Oh yeah, but I bet Dudley is even bigger. He's as big as a whale."

"And how old is he?"

"Same as me, sixteen. We're only a few days apart."

"Seems sort of odd that Dudley would be so large and you are so thin, given that you are the same age," Mitch observed.

Harry snorted at this. "Yeah well, Aunt Petunia likes to indulge her _Diddyums_ with all the sweets he wants. He eats like nonstop."

"And what about you? Were you allowed any sweets?"

"No," Harry admitted, feeling rather bitter about that. "I was lucky if I got Dudley's scraps at dinner time."

"So they withheld food from you," he asked softly.

"Sometimes."

"As punishment?"

"Whenever."

Mitch looked unsettled by this. "I see… what other punishments did you receive?"

"Mostly I was locked in my room or given chores, or something."

"Elaborate on _something_, please," Mitch pressed.

"You already know. My uncle would push me around and stuff."

"And how often did this happen?"

"I don't know."

"Was it daily, a couple times a week, once a month…."

"It just depended upon his mood, I guess."

Mitch nodded. "Were there any times he was more particularly violent with you?"

Harry gulped audibly. "Yeah, when he thought I had done magic or if he had been drinking."

"Were you afraid of your uncle during these times?"

"Yes," Harry whispered, wringing his hands together in his lap. He didn't like the direction this conversation was going. "Can we change the subject?"

"Are you feeling uncomfortable?"

Harry nodded.

"Then we can move on for today…"

They spent the rest of the therapy session discussing what 'anxiety' meant and what things Harry could do to help relieve that anxiety. He suspected that Remus had said something to Mitchell about discovering that Harry had cut himself again, but the topic never came up directly.

He left the session feeling quite spent, and was relieved when he was able to take a short nap afterwards.


	7. August 6, 1996

A/N: I just realized that I haven't given a shout out to my new beta yet. This story would never have come together so quickly without all of her hard work! She beta'd the entire story in less than a week just so I could begin posting on July 31st. Thank you **_acciodanrad9_**! You're the best!

**

* * *

**

August 6, 1996

Things were still rather rocky between him and Remus. Harry still refused to speak to him for taking away his things and Remus seemed to be at a loss as to how to deal with the angry teenager. Mostly they kept to themselves.

Harry was still taking his meals in his room and suspected that Remus was still keeping an eye on how much he was eating through the house elves. Out of spite, Harry was purposely not eating everything that was brought to him, though to be honest he really couldn't if he tried. It seemed that his stomach had shrunk or something from the lack of food all summer. He did drink the nutritional potions Madam Pomfrey sent with each meal and figured at least that was something.

Harry couldn't say that he was surprised when he saw Pig delivering yet another letter to him after dinner that evening. He took the parchment from the bird's leg and sent him back to the Burrow without a reply.

He walked towards the waste bin, intent on throwing this one away too, but then paused. For whatever reason he just couldn't do it. Harry had begun to feel guilty about throwing away his friend's letters. He turned it over and over in his hands wondering what he should do. He finally decided although that he couldn't bear to read it, he didn't really want to throw it away either. So he stowed it on the bottom of his trunk instead.

Out of sight, out of mind. Right?

* * *

A/N: I will be leaving on vacation this evening and I'm not sure how long I will be gone. I don't want to leave you all hanging so I'll be posting the next few chapters today as well. Any chapters I miss, depending on the length of my stay, will be updated accordingly when I come home. I suggest still reading one chapter a day, but I'm sure you will read them all at once. I know I would. Well, enjoy!


	8. August 7, 1996

**August 7, 1996**

Therapy today was absolute grueling for Harry. He had come in looking even more exhausted than usual and had to admit that his nightmares were getting worse. For whatever reason, Harry had been dreaming about Vernon attacking him over and over again. Mitch proposed that Harry might actually feel guilty about exposing his family's secret and that his subconscious was punishing him. Harry had been surprised by this. A small part of him had always felt that some of his uncle's discipline was warranted, perhaps even deserved. But feeling guilty for something he had no control over was absolutely ludicrous- he had never wanted anyone to find out. Harry was beginning to wonder if something wasn't wrong with him. Maybe he really was a head case.

After his therapy session that day, Harry decided to visit Hedwig. While in the Owlrey, Harry saw smoke coming from Hagrid's hut. After some contemplation, he decided it was time to visit the half-giant and made his way out of the castle and onto the grounds. Hagrid would be hurt if he were at the castle and didn't at least say hello.

As he approached the small hut he was greeted by Fang. He tried to get around to him to knock on the door, but the large hound ran circles around him barking happily. Hagrid peeked his head out of his hut to see what he was barking about.

"What's gotten into you, Fang?" he asked, not even noticing Harry at first. "Harry! Is that you?"

"Hi, Hagrid," said Harry. "How are you?"

"I'm good. But why are you here? Don't you know school is not in session?" the half-giant asked, picking Harry up and giving him a squeeze.

Harry winced slightly, still not feeling one hundred percent. "I'm staying at Hogwarts until school resumes."

Hagrid set Harry down. "At Hogwarts? Whatever for?"

Harry surprised that his large friend hadn't been informed of his circumstances and wondered if the rest of the Order knew that he was no longer at the Dursleys. He imagined that they would considering there was no one left there to guard anymore.

"Dumbledore decided it wasn't safe for me to stay at the Dursleys anymore so I'm staying here at the castle… with Remus," he added.

It wasn't entirely a lie. He was safer here, but it wasn't necessarily because of Death Eaters. Harry just couldn't bring himself to tell the man about his relatives even though Hagrid already knew how awful they were to him.

Hagrid seemed to accept his answer. "Well what do ya know… care to come inside for some tea?"

"Sure," Harry said, smiling now for the first time in a while. It felt good to just be himself and not have to wonder if someone's kindness was because they felt sorry for him.

He spent some time with Hagrid and headed back to the castle late that afternoon. He was in a good mood for a change and was wondering what Remus was up to. He had been avoiding the man for so long he had no idea what the man did to occupy his time. Feeling as though it were time for a truce he headed back to the common room in hopes of finding him.

He had no sooner stepped through the portrait hole and he was being dressed down by his guardian.

"Where have you been?" Remus demanded angrily.

Harry was surprised by the man's stormy mood. "I was at therapy…."

"Your session was over two hours ago!"

"So! I went for a walk!"

"Outside?"

Harry bit his lip and realized that he had inadvertently broken one of the rules. But so what? It was a stupid rule anyway. He had never left the grounds. He nodded reluctantly. "I went to visit Hagrid."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I forgot, okay!"

"Didn't I expressly tell you not even a week ago that you were only allowed out on the grounds if I knew where you were going?" he asked.

"Yeah, but I didn't think it was a big deal. I was just visiting a friend!" Harry yelled.

"Not a big deal? Harry, as safe as Hogwarts may be, it's still dangerous for you."

"C'mon, it's not like a Death Eater can get through the wards or anything."

"Anything is possible, Harry. It's foolish to assume otherwise," said Remus, rubbing a hand over his tired face.

"So now I'm a fool?"

"I didn't mean it like that," he replied, sounding calmer now.

"Yes you did! You think I'm some kind of idiot!"

"I never said that."

"You didn't have to! I know what everyone thinks of me… they think that it's my fault that Sirius died. It was because of my stupid mistake that he isn't here today!"

"Harry-"

"No, just admit it!" he shouted.

Remus stood there looking dumbfounded, clearly not knowing what to say. Harry took that to mean that he did believe he was at fault for his friend's death. Devastated by that knowledge Harry ran to his dorm room and slammed the door behind him, collapsing onto his bed as he began to sob.

How did such a good day go so wrong?

A short while later, Harry heard Remus knock on his door but he refused to answer. After many attempts to talk to the young boy, the man finally gave up and walked away, leaving Harry alone and in pain.


	9. August 8, 1996

**August 8, 1996**

The next morning Remus went up to Harry's dorm to check on him. He didn't like how they had left things the evening before and desperately wanted to make amends. Unfortunately, Harry wasn't in his room. In fact, he wasn't even in the Gryffindor tower.

Remus left the tower and checked the library and the kitchens. He couldn't find Harry anywhere. He had searched almost the entire castle and still couldn't find him. He wracked his brains trying to think where the boy had gone, wishing that he had the Marauder's Map still. He was beginning to worry that Harry had run away or something. He wasn't still that upset with him, was he?

He paused for a moment to look at the pouring rain outside the castle, feeling quite melancholy. Suddenly, a blur passed by the window. He could have sworn someone had just flown by on a broom. Remus pressed his face up against the window and strained to see if it was Harry. It was just like him to break the same rule again out of spite. But surely the boy wouldn't be so misguided that he would risk flying in this kind of weather?

Remus half ran, half walked to the main entrance and hurried outside and out onto the lawn. He made his way towards the Quidditch pitch and saw that the boy was indeed flying laps around the stadium now.

"Harry, come down here!" Remus demanded.

When Harry saw Remus waiting for him on the ground, Harry took off in the other direction. Remus was fairly certain that the boy was going to bolt and quickly summoned one of the school brooms to him. He straddled it and set off after his ward, worried about what the boy might do.

Harry was much faster and more skilled than Remus was and the distance was continuing to grow between them. Then the boy did the unthinkable. He steered toward the direction of the Forbidden Forest and began flying above it, skimming the tops of the trees. Remus kept him in his line of sight and pushed his dilapidated broom to go faster.

Then all of a sudden Harry was gone. Remus pulled up on his broom to stop and frantically searched sky, assuming that the boy had changed course and he hadn't noticed. When there was no sign of him anywhere, Remus continued forward searching the trees.

A strangled scream pierced the canopy and Remus looked down to see Harry struggling with a ferocious looking vine that had apparently snatched him out of the sky. "Help me!" Harry yelled, as he was being dragged toward a large flower that had teeth.

Remus pointed his broom downward and pulled out his wand and aimed it at the plant. "Reducto!" he yelled.

The vine hissed in pain and then slowly began to retract its long plant like tentacle, dropping Harry in the process. The boy collapsed to the forest floor with a thud.

Fearing the worst, Remus quickly retrieved Harry before he could encounter anymore dangers and took to the sky once more, racing towards the infirmary.

* * *

Harry later awoke to find himself in the hospital wing. Remus was sitting beside his bed looking quite worried. He blinked at the man wearily and felt his glasses being guided onto his face.

"Harry, are you okay?" Remus asked.

Harry sat up gingerly, feeling quite awful. "What happened? Why does everything hurt?" Harry asked thickly.

"You don't remember?" Remus asked worriedly.

Harry shook his head, but then winced at the pain.

"You flew over the Forbidden Forest and were captured by a giant Venomous Tentacula Vine. You were punctured by some of the stinging nettles and I used a blasting spell to save you," said Remus. "Unfortunately, you fell before I had the chance to cast a levitation spell… sorry. You broke a few bones."

"Oh," said Harry, feeling quite foggy. "Why were you chasing me?"

"I thought you were trying to run away and I got worried when I saw you head towards the forest. And good thing too. I can't imagine what would have happened to you if I had not been there…" Remus said looking quite weepy.

"I-I'm sorry… I know I was outside again without telling you," Harry said softly. "I was angry and felt like flying."

"In the _rain_?"

Harry shrugged. He knew it wasn't rational, but the rain had made his flight even more exhilarating.

"You can't keep doing things like this, Harry," said Remus, his eyes looking even more glassy. "I couldn't bear it if something happened to you too."

"I'm sorry…" Harry said once more. "I know it was stupid…"

"Don't say that," Remus chided him, reaching out and stroking his face softly. "You're not stupid… you just do things that might be a little irrational when you are upset. And I clearly made you upset. For that I'm sorry."

Harry, who was not used to such affection, leaned into it unknowingly. All of his anger toward the man had been forgotten and now he all he wanted to do was to make amends.

"I know I can be a pain. Uncle Vernon always said-"

Remus stopped him by putting a hand over his mouth. "I don't care what that man says. You are not nor will you ever be a _pain_. I love you no matter what- even when you do things that make me upset."

Harry felt taken aback by this. "You love me? You don't even know me?"

Remus smiled. "I've loved you the moment I laid eyes on you Harry. I was there when you were born and I was apart of your life for a year and half. You don't remember me, of course, but we were buddies, you and me. I regret not taking custody of you after your parents deaths, but I hope to make things better now… That's why I chose to be your guardian. It felt only right to be with the only family I have now."

"You consider me family?" Harry was surprised by this. He had assumed that Remus had taken him in out of obligation.

"Of course. I know we're still a bit like strangers, but I hope over time you will come to see me as family as well."

"I think I'd like that," Harry said with a smile.

"Me too."

"Where's my broom?" he asked worriedly.

"Right beside you," said Remus, pointing to the broom propped up against the bed side table. Harry sighed in relief.

"How long do I have to be here?" he then asked.

Remus chuckled knowing how much Harry hated the infirmary. "Just over night. Madam Pomfrey has already healed you. You should begin to feel better once you've gotten some rest," he replied.

Harry yawned loudly.

Remus stroked the boy's hair. "Get's some rest Harry… your body has been through a lot. You've missed lunch and dinner so the house elves will bring you something to eat when you awake up again."

Harry nodded as he yawned once more. With Remus by his bedside he fell into a relaxed sleep.


	10. August 9, 1996

**August 9, 1996**

"I heard you were in the hospital yesterday. I wasn't sure if you would feel up to coming today," said Mitch, looking genuinely surprised to see Harry when he arrived at his office the next morning. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I feel fine now," Harry said truthfully. The nurse had allowed him to take a Dreamless Sleep Potion and he had gotten more rest last night than all of last week combined.

"Well I'm glad you're okay," said Mitch, leading Harry to the arm chairs they normally occupied during these sessions. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

"I did something stupid," he said under his breath.

"What's that?"

Harry sighed. "I flew over the Forbidden Forest and got attacked by some weird vine. It was pretty nasty. I almost got eaten by a flower."

"A flower? That must have been frightening."

"I guess. Remus saved me though."

"I'm glad he did," said Mitch. "But what made you fly over a forest that you knew was off limits."

"I was upset with Remus. We sort of had a fight and I went out on the grounds without his permission. He tried to come after me to talk or something, but I was still mad so I just flew away. I didn't even realize where I was going until it was too late."

"May I ask what you were fighting about?"

"I broke the rule about telling Remus when I'm going outside." Harry felt silly having to admit this.

"So you broke a rule and got in trouble and your way of handling the situation was to break the same rule again?"

"I told you it was stupid! But I wasn't just upset about that… Remus made me feel foolish and I kind of lashed out at him and accused him of blaming me for Sirius' death," Harry said quickly.

"Who was Sirius?"

"My godfather and Remus' best friend. He died a couple of months ago because of a stupid mistake I made," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "Voldemort was sending me these false visions of Sirius being tortured and I tried to rescue him- only he wasn't ever there. My friends and I were surrounded by Death Eaters and Sirius came and tried to save _me_, but he died instead."

Mitch's eyes went wide and his mouth was hanging open in wonderment. "Is all of that really true?"

"I don't tell lies," Harry replied curtly, gently rubbing the back of his hand that was still scarred with a similar message.

"Merlin… you've been through so much Harry. It's a miracle that you've made it this far and turned out as well as you did."

Harry smirked, knowing just how true that statement really was. Mitch shook his head to clear his thoughts and became professional once more.

"So you feel guilty about what happened to your godfather, is that it?"

Harry nodded.

"Do you really feel as though Remus blames you?"

"I don't know… I guess not. He's never really said it but I'm sure that he must deep down. It's not the first time I've made a mistake like that…"

"What do you mean?"

"Cedric died the year before because I told him we should take the tri-wizard cup together…"

"That was the tournament. I remember reading about that in the Daily Prophet."

Harry snorted. "The Daily Prophet isn't very reliable. I hope you read the Quibbler version as well."

"Actually, I did. That must have been a very traumatic experience."

Harry nodded again.

"Were you directly responsible for Cedric's death?"

"Well, no… Wormtail killed him."

"And did you directly kill Sirius?"

"No… Bellatrix Lestrange was the one who cursed him…"

"Then you must understand that you should not feel guilty about things you had no control over. You've done the best that you could have during some pretty horrific experiences."

"I guess," said Harry, though he wasn't sure he would really believe it.

Mitch paused for a moment and then changed the subject. "Are you still experiencing nightmares?"

"Not last night… but yeah…"

"And in those nightmares do you still feel guilty about exposing the fact that you were abused."

"I guess so," he said. He had been dreaming that Vernon was attacking him because Ron and Hermione discovered the bruises. Mitch had proposed that his subconscious felt guilty about what happened and was punishing him much in the same manner his uncle would have.

"Do you feel like you deserve it?"

"Sometimes…" he whispered.

No matter what he had said to Mitch, he really did feel responsible for what had happened to Sirius and Cedric. He hadn't fought back against his uncle as much as he used to because he felt he deserved it. When his uncle wasn't punishing him, Harry had found a way to punish himself.

After a rather long session today about "misplaced guilt", Harry decided to join Remus for lunch once more. They ate together in amiably, enjoying each other's presence or the first time since he had arrived at the castle.

Another owl arrived today. As expected it was another letter from his friends. He still couldn't bring himself to read it for some reason so he saved it at the bottom of his trunk with the others he had received.


	11. August 10, 1996

**August 10, 1996**

Remus received a letter from Ron and Hermione that day, inquiring about Harry. He knew boy was still not communicating with his friends so he didn't think it would be wise to talk to him about them just now.

Knowing that his former students wouldn't stop harassing him until they had some answers, Remus excused himself that evening and secretly Flooed to the Burrow.

"Remus? It's so good to see you. How is Harry?" Molly asked, setting aside the kitchen towel she had been wiping her hands on when he arrived.

"That's actually why I'm here. Are Hermione and Ron around?"

"I'll get them," she said.

Remus sat down at the kitchen table and waited patiently while Molly fetched the pair from outdoors. They ran in, quite out of breath, looking eager for any bit of news about their friend.

"Professor Lupin!" shouted Ron as he entered the house.

"Call me Remus, really. I'm not your professor anymore."

"How's Harry? Is he okay?" Hermione asked breathlessly.

"He's doing fine. I thought I'd stop by in person so that you would know my sincerity," Remus replied.

"So why hasn't he written us back? We've written him loads of letters," Ron asked, looking somewhat perturbed.

"I honestly don't know," said Remus. "He won't talk to me about that."

"Is he seeing a therapist?" asked Hermione, sitting down now at the table. "Last we heard, Harry was still trying to overcome everything that had happened."

Remus paused for a moment, trying to choose his words carefully. "Harry seems to be doing better with the therapy, but is still keeping to himself mostly."

"But why won't he write?" Ron asked once more.

"Try not to take it personally," said Remus. "I'm sure he'll come around."

Hermione reached over and grabbed Ron's hand. "We just feel as though we lost our best friend."

"I can understand how difficult that must be, but have faith," said Remus, standing up once more.

"Can we visit?" Ron asked.

"Ron, I don't think Harry wants any visitors," Hermione said quietly.

Ron grunted in frustration. "He's being a right git!"

"I'll see if I can get him to come for a visit," said Remus hoping that over time Harry might be more open to the idea. "But I can't promise you anything."

They both nodded and Remus turned back to the fireplace once more. Molly chose that moment to re-enter the kitchen to check on her stew. "Won't you stay for dinner?"

"Thanks but I already ate," he said with a smile. "I really must be going."


	12. August 11, 1196

A/N: Thank you to my handful of faithful reviewers! I appreciate your dedication, especially when I have been recieving so few reviews lately. If you have been enjoying the story but haven't reviewed yet, please leave a comment. I love hearing feedback. Thanks!

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* * *

**

August 11, 1996

"I went to the Burrow yesterday evening," Remus admitted over breakfast the next day.

Harry was surprised by this. He hadn't known that Remus even left the castle. "You did? Why?"

"Ron and Hermione were worried about you. I went to let them know you are okay."

"Oh." For some reason Harry was feeling upset that his guardian had left without telling him.

"They miss you," Remus said softly.

"I know."

"Then why won't you talk to them?"

Harry sighed, not sure if he could even explain why he was alienating himself from his friends. "I know. It's complicated…"

"You should visit them sometime soon. You've been cooped up in the castle for so long. You need a day out."

"That's okay… I like it here."

"Alright, I won't push the issue," Remus relented.

Harry began to push his food around on his plate. "Hey, Remus..."

"Yes."

"Please don't leave again without telling me."

Remus seemed pleased and surprised by the request.

"I promise I won't," he said with a smile.

Harry smiled back and felt an odd warmth spread across his chest.


	13. August 12, 1996

**August 12, 1996**

"We haven't talked about your friends in a while, why don't we start there…" said Mitch.

"What about them?" Harry asked, beginning to feel nervous.

"When did you first meet them?"

Oh, that was easy. "In first year on the train to Hogwarts. I became friends with Ron almost instantly, which was nice because I never really had a friend before."

"Why not?"

"Dudley would scare them away."

"Dudley is your cousin?"

Harry nodded.

"So you made friends with Ron right away. What about Hermione?"

"We didn't really care for her much at first. She seemed like a know-it-all, which she kind of is, I guess. But then Ron hurt her feelings and she ran to the girls' bathroom crying. We found out a troll was in the school and were afraid for her."

"A troll?"

"Yup, so Ron and I went to save her and we have been best friends ever since."

"Oh my. You do have quite the adventures, don't you?" Mitch asked in admiration.

Harry shrugged indifferently.

"So why are they such great friends…"

Harry found himself recounting all their adventures together and of how steadfast his friends had stood by him. There was that one time he and Ron were fighting back in fourth year, but that seemed so trivial now. He went on and on about them, gushing about how great they were. Before he knew it, he was out of breath and smiling.

Mitch smiled back at him. "They sound like the best friends a guy could have."

"They are."

"So why are you trying to push them away?"

Harry faltered for a moment, wondering the same thing. It had seemed so clear at the beginning of summer. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

"I've had to watch so many people die because of this war and I'm not about to let something happen to Ron and Hermione if I make another stupid mistake!"

Mitch seemed to contemplate this. "Are their families involved in the war?"

"Well... yeah, Ron's parents are trying to help end the war. Hermione's parents are Muggles, but she would be involved if she could," Harry answered honestly. He didn't think that he was giving anything away any secret information by telling him this.

"So whether they are your friend or not, there is a possibility that something may still happen to them."

Harry nodded. "Yeah I guess."

"And they have always supported you and stood by your side in the past."

Harry nodded again.

"So what's the point of pushing them away?"

Harry didn't have an answer to that and it was something he was going over and over in his mind now.

The therapy session end shortly after that and Harry quickly made his way back to the dormitory. As soon as he entered his room he located the letters he had stashed at the bottom of his trunk. He quickly read them over for the first time.

_Dear Harry,_

_I hate to tell you this but Fred, George, and Ginny know what happened now too. Mum and Dad filled them in. I'm sure that you didn't want them to know either, but they wouldn't leave the situation alone. They knew something had happened to you and that Hermione and I were upset about it. Sorry._

_Ron_

____________________

_Dear Harry,_

_How are you? Is everything okay. Did you get our presents?_

_Hermione and Ron_

____________________

_Dear Harry,_

_So what have you been up to while you're at Hogwarts? Are you spending time with Professor Lupin? Have you been working on your homework? Have you been able to go flying at all?_

_I've decided to stay at the Burrow the rest of the summer. My parents weren't to happy about it after they returned from their convention in the states, but they eventually agreed that I could stay. Things have been the usual around here. The twins are working on their joke products and getting in trouble left and right. Bill and Charlie visit occasionally, but I never see Percy. Mostly I hang out with Ron and Ginny. I've been able to encourage both to work on some homework, but they'd rather be practicing Quidditch._

_We miss you. Please write back. _

_Love, Hermione_

____________________

_Dear Harry,_

_We were wondering if we could come visit. Or maybe you could come to the Burrow for a few days. Let us know._

_Love, Ron and Hermione_

____________________

_H-_

_We miss you! Are you okay?_

_-R and H_

The lump in his throat had begun to grow larger and larger until the tears finally started to fall. After every effort he had made to push them way, they were still steadfast friends. He couldn't remember when this last letter had been sent. What if they had changed their minds since then?

Oh Merlin, what had he done? Was it too late?


	14. August 13, 1996

**August 13, 1996**

Harry was busy working on his Potion's essay in the library when Remus came in looking happier than he had in a long time.

"What are you so happy about?" Harry asked.

Remus smiled and said, "Guess who is going to be the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher next year?"

"You?" Harry asked excitedly. By far Remus had been his favorite DADA professor.

"Yup," said Remus, collapsing into a chair next to Harry. "Isn't that great?"

"It's brilliant! Congratulations!"

"Thanks… Dumbledore just let me know and it's such a relief!" he said, looking truly happy.

"Why is that?"

"Well, I didn't want to have to tell you this but… I haven't been able to obtain a job in a long while. There was some anti-werewolf legislation that Umbridge drafted last year before she came to Hogwarts. It made it pretty difficult for me to get any other job. This opportunity couldn't have come a better time."

"How come?"

"Because of you, silly… I'm your guardian now and I should be able to provide for you properly," said Remus honestly.

"Oh," said Harry, feeling uncomfortable. "You don't have to do that. I can take care of myself."

"Nonsense. You've been doing that for far too long. As long as you're in my care you will be taken care of. Do you hear me?" Remus demanded playfully.

"Yeah," said Harry, smiling now.

"I think to celebrate we should skip dinner tonight and ask the house elves to bring banana split sundaes. How does that sound?"

"Wonderful," said Harry laughing now.

"And then later we can explore the castle. I'm sure there are a few dusty secret passages that are still waiting to be discovered. What do you say?"

"Excellent!"


	15. August 14, 1996

**August 14, 1996**

Tonight was not a good day for Harry. Although his relationship with Remus was improving and he was genuinely beginning to enjoy his time at the castle, his nights were filled with terror.

He woke up screaming nearly every hour. At first he wondered if Remus could hear him or if Mitch had told him about his dreams. But now he was fairly certain that Remus didn't know about the nightmares at all. He was confident his guardian would have come running at every instance had he known.

A part of Harry wanted to tell the man. It would be nice to have someone to comfort him, but another part of him knew that was foolish. He was sixteen years old now! He wasn't a baby and he should be able to handle these nightmares by himself. Unfortunately all he wanted to do was to slice his arms open, knowing that the pain would help him forget those awful images.

But that was no longer a reality. Remus had taken away every possible chance Harry had to cut himself. He probably could confiscate a kitchen knife or something, but he was trying to abstain from mutilating his body any more. It was a nasty habit after all.

The topic had finally come up in therapy today and Harry was surprised at how educated Mitch was on the subject. Instead of belittling Harry for using such a bizarre coping strategy, as he had expected, they had discussed how it made him feel and tried to come up with alternatives to deal with such an activity.

Harry hadn't had much success with those 'alternatives' yet but he was determined to beat this "addiction." He didn't feel like writing in a journal, too worried that it might be found by someone, so he had been trying deep breathing techniques to calm his anxiety.

If he didn't start getting some more sleep soon, Harry was sure he would pass out during classes once school resumed.


	16. August 15, 1996

**August 15, 1996**

Harry was feeling rather grumpy after another sleepless night. The only highlight of his day as that he had received another letter, this time it was from the twins.

_Hey mate,_

_How did you like your birthday present? Just wanted to let you know we have some new joke products in development. We figure you might need a few laughs. Let us know if you're interested and we'll send a few your way._

_Gred and Forge_

Harry never replied.


	17. August 16, 1996

**August 16, 1996**

Harry was caught in what seemed like a never ending dream. In his nightmare Vernon had pinned him against the wall, his beefy hands around his throat, cutting off his air supply.

"_I'm going to kill you for tattling you ungrateful little whelp!" Vernon screamed, his eyes bugging out of his bulging purple face._

_Harry brought up his knee and rammed it into his uncle's crotch. It bought him a moment to escape and he twisted out of his uncle's grasp. He ran across the room and made it as far as the door before his uncle yanked him by the arm back into the room. He then threw the boy against the wall, so that Harry's face was pressed against the peeling paint._

"_I'm going to give you a lesson you'll never forget!" _

"_NO!" _

"Harry-"

"_NO! Leave me alone!"_

"Harry!"

"_Please, I promise I'll be good."_

"Harry!" Remus screamed, shaking him to wake him up.

Harry bolted awake and took in his surroundings as he tried to catch his breath.

"It's okay, Harry. It's just me. You were having a bad dream…" he said softly, sitting beside Harry on the bed. Seeing how distraught the teenager was, Remus pulled him into a tight embrace and rubbed his back to calm him.

Harry felt stupid for crying like a baby, but he had never been comforted after a bad dream before he was relishing the reassurance that everything would be okay. After a long while Harry took a deep breath and pulled back.

"Are you okay?"

Harry continued to breathe deeply trying to regain control of his racing heart. He hastily wiped away the tears in his eyes, trying to compose himself.

"Are you okay?" Remus tried again.

Harry nodded, feeling a little better.

"What were you dreaming about?"

"I don't know," Harry said quickly. When he saw the look Remus was giving him he knew he should probably just tell the truth. "My uncle," he admitted.

"You seemed quite afraid. Was he hurting you in the dream?"

"Yeah. I tried to get away, but I couldn't."

"Was the dream based on an actual memory?" Remus asked curiously.

Harry was surprised by the question, having never considered it before. "I'm not sure," he said truthfully.

They were both quiet for a few moments, neither of them knowing quite what to say "Was there something you wanted?" Harry finally asked. Remus almost never entered Harry's room, granting the teenager his privacy.

"You never came down to breakfast and you have your session with Mitchell soon," said Remus, reaching out to stroke Harry's head. "I came to check on you and heard you screaming."

"Oh."

"Harry… do you have nightmares like this all the time?"

Harry paused for a long while and eventually nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Mitchell knows."

"I'm glad you at least told him, but why didn't you tell me. Didn't you feel like you could confide in me?"

"I didn't want to be a bother."

Remus sighed. "Harry, you are not a bother. I want to know when you are hurt or upset, don't you understand that? That's what family is for."

Harry smiled when he heard Remus say the word "family" again. He was only now coming to terms as to what that might mean for them but he was starting to like it.

"Would you want like me to stay with you at night?"

"I'm not a baby," Harry scoffed.

"Yes, I know. But I also know how frightening dreams can be, especially if they are based on a memory."

"You have dreams like that?"

"I used to, of the night I was bitten," he revealed. "I want to help you if I can."

"Thanks for the offer, but you don't need to stay with me," said Harry.

He would feel silly if Remus did. He was practically an adult now and should be able to get a handle on his feelings better.

Remus seemed saddened that Harry didn't want his help. "Alright, but my door is always open. I'm just a flight of stairs away if you need me."

"Okay," Harry said agreeably.

"You have fifteen minutes before your appointment," Remus said, standing up from Harry's bed. "Why don't you get dressed and come down. Breakfast is still waiting for you downstairs."

"Alright."

Harry lingered on his bed for a few moments after Remus had left, thinking about the dream. He slowly began to get undressed from his pajamas and into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt when he felt a burning pain coming from his arms. Looking down he saw that they looked rather raw and red. Without even realizing it he had begun to claw at his own arms using his nails. Harry went pale at the sight of what he had done to himself again. He really needed to get this under control. He made a mental note to share with Mitchell this new development and hoped that his therapist could help.

After breakfast he made his way to the second floor corridor once more. When he arrived to Mitch's office, Harry couldn't help but feel a sense of trepidation. He was supposed to be working on controlling his anxiety, but from the look of his arms it appeared as though he was still feeling rather out of control. He worried that Mitch might be upset that he hadn't been relying on his coping strategies well enough.

After standing there for several minutes just staring at the closed door, Harry finally reached up to knock. But before he could do so, Mitch opened the door and seemed surprised to see him on the other side. Harry lowered his hand, feeling sheepish.

"Harry, there you are. I was beginning to wonder if you were going to come this morning," Mitch said, noting the time on his watch. "Did you wake up late?"

"Er… no," Harry admitted. "I've been standing out here all this time. Am I really that late?"

"Only by fifteen minutes," Mitch said with an understanding smile. He led Harry into the office and they sat in their usual chairs.

_Fifteen minutes? Had he really been standing there that long?_

"May I ask why you felt nervous about coming today?" Mitch asked knowingly.

Harry didn't know how to reply at first but in the end he simply said, "I've been scratching up my arms."

Mitch leaned forward and took Harry's wrists in his hands to survey the damage. Despite how shallow they were, the wounds were rather painful and Harry winced as the healer's hand gently pressed against his skin. "I see…" he said casually as he took out his wand to heal the raw scratches. "Is it because of the dreams?"

Harry nodded, feeling somewhat ashamed. "I didn't do it on purpose though. I didn't even know I was doing it! I swear!"

"Harry, it's okay. I believe you," Mitch reassured him. "These things take time."

"I know… but I've been working on trying not to cut, honestly I have, and it's just… I want to… but I know I shouldn't so I don't… but these dreams are awful and then today I saw what I had done to myself again…I was worried that-"

"You were worried that I might be upset with you," Mitch finished for him.

Harry nodded.

"I'm not."

"But you taught me what to do when I feel out of control and I know what I'm supposed to do, but sometimes it's just too much… I have these urges and I try not to… but the pain makes me forget and I need to forget… I don't want to remember… but then I do and it's all I can do not to…"

"Harry, take a breath," Mitch urged him. "It's really okay. You've done a remarkable job these last couple of weeks. You really have. You're bound to still feel urges now and then, even if you are not consciously aware of them. Just take it one day at a time."

"One day at a time…" Harry repeated through a long slow exhale. "One day at a time."


	18. August 17, 1996

**August 17, 1996**

Today another letter came from his friends. It was rather short this time.

_Harry,_

_Why won't you write back?_

_Hermione_

Why didn't he write back? He had finally realized how pointless it was to push his friends away and he desperately still wanted their friendship, so why was he doing this?

Simply put: he was scared. Scared of the unknown. Scared that they wouldn't treat him differently if they knew the truth. Scared to allow himself to love them completely- as his heart was telling him to. But mostly he was still scared to lose them.


	19. August 18, 1996

**August 18, 1996**

Harry and Remus spent another wonderful day exploring Hogwarts. There were so many things that Harry had never seen before. Remus had showed him places that the Marauders used to hang out and where they would hide from teachers when they were out past curfew. They even dared to explore the third floor corridor, which was normally off limits, and Harry shared the story of getting past Fluffy, the three headed dog, in his first year in search of the Sorcerer's Stone. On a few occasions they even used the Room of Requirement to take mini-holidays to the beach and to a carnival.

Surprisingly, they didn't once run into any other staff member, though Remus had told him that this was the time of year that the professors returned from vacationing. Harry hadn't even seen Dumbledore in the past three weeks.

Later that evening, he received another letter. This time from Ron.

_Hey mate,_

_Hermione says that maybe the reason you won't write back is that you're embarrassed or ashamed or something. Don't be. We're your friends, mate. Don't push us away. _

_Ron_

"_Don't push us away…"_ Those had been the exact same words that Ron had whispered in his ear at the park.

Harry had always had a rather special relationship with Ron. He had known a lot more about the Dursleys than Hermione had and Harry had trusted him to protect his secrets. Ron knew about the cupboard, the lack of food, the confinement to his room, and the bars on his window. These were secrets that Harry would never trust with anyone else. But the day they had shown up Privet Drive, Ron had done the unthinkable. Worried about his friend's safety, Ron had threatened to tell Hermione everything he knew if Harry wouldn't admit that something was wrong at the Dursleys.

When Ron held him tightly, his arms wrapped around Harry's frail frame, Harry had felt safe and warm, even though it was awkward to be held by your _male_ best friend.

"_It's okay, Harry," Ron had said. "Don't worry about it. We still care about you."_

Harry had sagged against Ron for a moment, listening to Ron's sweet words.

"_Don't push us away…"_

But then he had remembered his original plan to end his friendship with them. He couldn't go on letting them think that Harry still wanted that friendship.

Unable to say anything, Harry began shaking his head again and gently pushed Ron away. He had backed up a few feet, grabbed his discarded sweatshirt and quickly put it back on. He soon left the park, his eyes filled with tears.

Harry sniffled now and saw a drop of water hit the parchment. Touching his face gingerly he realized that tears were falling. He was still filled with rather mixed emotions and he didn't know how to deal with it.

He was sure now that he had to make amends with his friends. He could never truly abandon them, but somewhere deep inside he knew that he wanted something more than friendship- with each of them.

But how would he deal with that? He never could expect the affection to be returned and it was wrong to feel so strongly about two very different people. Harry had to accept a lot of hard truths in his life, and apparently this was just another one.

He loved both Ron and Hermione with every fiber of his being, and although he might be able to regain their friendship he could never hope for anything more.


	20. August 19, 1996

**August 19, 1996**

Harry was feeling quite melancholy today after his session with Mitchell. His nightmares were beginning to increase in severity and Mitchell had proposed that Harry could have suppressed some memories that his subconscious was now trying to bring out. The thought that something could have happened at the Dursleys that he wasn't aware of distressed him greatly.

He spent much of the day lying on his bed trying to get his head around his History of Magic essay, but he found that he was having trouble concentrating. It was a welcome relief when he saw Pig fly threw the open window.

_Harry,_

_Are you okay?_

_Hermione_

Harry picked up his quill and a spare bit of parchment and penned his response.

_Hermione-_

_No, I'm not. I am sick of having these awful nightmares and I don't even know what they mean. I wish they would just go away._

_I'm so sorry for how I treated you. I thought that I could save you by distancing myself from you, but my therapist helped me to see that it was wrong to assume that I could so easily cast you aside. You are just as much involved in this war as I am and I'm sorry for doubting you._

_Please forgive me. I miss you both desperately!_

_Harry_

When he was done, he ripped it up into tiny pieces and threw it into the rubbish bin. Pig seemed confused by this and began flying around the room anxiously. It took Harry nearly fifteen minutes, but he was finally able to shoo the insufferable bird out the window- without a reply.

For whatever reason, Harry still could not bring himself to respond to his friend's letters. He wasn't angry with them any longer, but he still felt somewhat ashamed. He didn't want them to pity him; he wanted them to love him for he was. Not the Boy-Who-Lived and not the scared boy they had rescued, but Harry.

Just Harry.


	21. August 20, 1996

**August 20, 1996**

After dinner that evening Remus and Harry sat together quietly enjoying a game of Wizard's Chess. The professor was by no means of the same caliber as Ron, but certainly could hold his own. Harry found that as usual he simply couldn't compete on that level, but he was determined to try.

"Next week is the full moon," said Remus, changing the conversation away from chess.

"Oh?" Harry asked lamely, not really listening. He was too busy watching his pieces trying to mime what his next move should be.

"Do you think you'll be okay on your own?"

"What?" Harry asked.

"Do you think you'll be okay on your own?" Remus repeated.

"Oh yeah, I guess. Are you going to the Shrieking Shack?" Harry asked curiously. He hadn't really thought of Remus's transformations since third year.

"No, I'm afraid that location has been compromised. Besides, it wasn't ever really as safe as I'd like to be anyway."

Harry moved one of his pawns forward two spaces and said, "But don't you take the Wolfsbane potion? I thought you were completely harmless when you take it."

Remus smiled as he captured Harry's pawn and nodded. "I am, but I'd rather air on the side of caution anyway."

"Then where will you go?" Harry asked, beginning to worry a little.

"Don't worry, I'm staying in the castle. Dumbledore is accommodating me by locking me up in the dungeons."

"Can I visit?"

"NO!" Remus said quickly.

Harry was taken aback by the sudden comment. "Sorry for asking…"

"No, I'm sorry, Harry. I know you've seen me transform before, but it's not a pleasant experience. I rather you not see me in the state," Remus explained.

Harry nodded. "I understand, I guess."

"If you wanted, you could have your friends to come for a visit?" Remus inquired. "You could use the company."

"No, that's alright," Harry said quickly.

"Are you sure?"

Harry nodded.

Later that evening Harry found himself in the throes of another nightmare.

"_I'm going to kill you for tattling you ungrateful little whelp!" Vernon screamed, his eyes bugging out of his bulging face._

_Harry brought up his knee and rammed it into his uncle's crotch. It bought him a moment to escape and he twisted out of his uncle's grasp. He ran across the room and made it as far as the door before his uncle yanked him by the arm back into the room. He then threw the boy against the wall, so that Harry's face was pressed against the peeling paint._

"_I'm going to give you a lesson you'll never forget!" he said, slurring his words slightly._

_Harry knew that the man was drunk again and wished had steered clear of him earlier. He tried to struggle against him, but having his arm twisted behind him made it difficult. A large hand found its way to the front of his pants and it undid the belt around his waist._

"_NO!" _

"_You'll only make it worse if you fight me…"_

"_NO! Leave me alone!" Harry yelled, struggling once more. "Please, I promise I'll be good."_

"_I know you will…"_

Harry woke up screaming once more with tears in his eyes. That was the worst the nightmare had ever gotten and he was only now beginning to understand the implications of what it all meant.

He didn't care that he was sixteen years old or that he was nearly an adult. He was upset and he didn't want to be alone. Wiping his face, Harry padded bare foot down the cold stone stairs to the dorm room below his. He knocked on the door and was instantly greeted by Remus clad in pajamas.

"Harry? What is it?" he asked, when he saw that the boy's face was red and blotchy.

"I had another nightmare."

Remus pulled him into hug and it was all Harry could do to hold it together. When he could no longer contain his composure, he let a small sob escape. Remus promptly began rubbing his back and whispering reassurances. He cried until he could cry no more and told Remus a little about what had happened in his nightmare.

When he was calmer, Remus sighed and said, "I wanted to talk to you about this before, but I also wanted to give you some time to deal with everything…"

"Talk about what?" Harry asked, sniffling now.

"We need to press charges against your uncle…"


	22. August 21, 1996

****

August 21, 1996

Harry had just finished breakfast when Pig arrived with another letter. The poor bird was flying back and forth to Hogwarts nearly everyday now and it was a wonder that it hadn't tired out yet. He wondered if it bothered Pig to never have a reply to carry back. Harry quickly untied the letter and sent the tiny bird on its way.

He then carried the letter upstairs to read it in privacy. This time it was from Ron.

_H-_

_It was my idea to come to Surrey. Don't be mad at Hermione! If you're going to hate someone, hate me! At least write her back at let us know you're okay. _

_-R_

Harry sighed, knowing that Ron was right. They did deserve a reply and made a mental note to take care of it later. He didn't have time now. He had to make it to his therapy session. He was getting a little tired of going now, hashing out all of his problems, but he had to admit it was starting to help. He didn't feel as nearly as angry or as sad as he had before. And after today he only had four more left. The school year was fast approaching and they had agreed that the sessions would stop once school resumed, unless one of them decided it was necessary to meet again.

Harry trudged downstairs and waved at Remus as he stepped out of the portrait hole. He wasn't looking forward to seeing Mitchell today. He knew this session would be difficult after last night's dream and he really didn't want to hash everything out today.

The healer sensed Harry's discomfort as soon as he entered the door. "The dreams have gotten worse, haven't they?"

Harry nodded.

Mitchell sighed before beginning once more. "I'd like to try something new today… hypnotherapy."

"You want to hypnotize me?"

"Yes. So far we haven't been able to get to the bottom of why you are having this recurring nightmare. Through hypnosis we may be able to unlock a suppressed memory. Would you like to try?"

"I guess," said Harry, suddenly feeling very anxious.

Mitchell pulled out his wand. "I'm going to transfigure your chair so that you'll be more comfortable."

Harry nodded and watched as the healer waved his wand with a flourish and caused the arm chair to transform into a chaise lounge. He then lay back against the plush fabric, trying to relax. He noticed that the only light in the room now was the glow of the fireplace. Mitch had pulled the heavy curtains across the large window, shutting out the sun.

"I want you to close your eyes and imagine yourself being somewhere that makes you feel comfortable and secure. Perhaps in a meadow beside a gently running stream or on a tropical beach," Mitch suggested.

Having never experienced either, Harry didn't feel that these would work really well for him. Instead he thought about the Burrow. He had only happy memories there and there was a lot that he could visualize if he needed to.

"Do you have a happy place in mind?" Mitch asked.

Harry nodded.

Mitch then began to speak in a low, soothing voice. "Just relax… Just let your feet relax, and your legs relax… Feel your hips relaxing, and your waist relaxing… Feel your chest relaxing, and your arms relaxing… Your shoulders relaxing, and your neck and head relaxing… Feel your entire body relaxing, all over."

Harry breathed in and out slowly, trying to relax every part of his body though he was still feeling a little anxious. He kept the visual of the Burrow in his mind, thinking about every detail.

"You can feel yourself relaxing now. You can feel a heavy, relaxed feeling coming over you. And as I continue to talk, that heavy relaxed feeling will get stronger and stronger, until it carries you into a deep, peaceful state of hypnosis," the healer continued. "Every word that I utter is putting you faster and deeper, and faster and deeper, into a deep, peaceful state of hypnosis. Sinking down, and shutting down. Sinking down, and shutting down. Sinking down, and shutting down, shutting down completely."

Harry continued to breathe slowly listening to the commands. He began to feel light, as though he were floating and some of his anxiety began to decrease.

"And the deeper you go, the deeper you are able to go. And the deeper you go, the deeper you want to go."

Harry felt himself going deeper and deeper and the image of the Burrow disappeared and only comfortable darkness remained.

"Now you are resting comfortably in a deep, peaceful state of hypnosis, going deeper and faster and deeper and faster all of the time, until I bring you back. You will only accept those suggestions which are for your benefit, and that you are willing to accept."

"I want you to think about your dream last night but you won't be afraid. You will be able to see and hear everything, but you will not feel frightened," Mitch said in a low, soothing voice. "Tell me about your dream."

"I'm locked in my room at the Dursleys and I'm in trouble for something… but I don't know what. Uncle Vernon is really mad at me for some reason and he comes into my room…he's drunk and I'm scared," Harry said slowly.

"You don't have to be scared Harry. You are in a safe place. How old are you in your dream?"

"T-twleve I think…H-he says he's going to kill me. I try to get away, but he keeps coming after me- pinning me to the wall. I keep thinking that he's going to strangle me or something, but he doesn't. Instead he-" Harry paused and didn't even notice growing more anxious or that he had begun to cry.

"What does he do instead?" asked Mitch.

"I-I can't get away… I try, but I can't…"

"I know, Harry. It's okay… you're getting upset. Think of your happy place and you will feel better once more."

'_The Burrow, think of the Burrow,'_ Harry told himself, but that only upset him more. "I can't! I don't want Ron to know!"

Mitch seemed confused by this. "What don't you want him to know?"

"About the lessons… my uncle wants to teach me a lesson. I think he used to when I was younger too," said Harry, visibly shaking now.

"Tell me about the lessons."

"The lessons… I don't want him to, but he won't stop and I can't get away!"

"It's okay, Harry. Remember, you don't have to be afraid. You are in a safe place…"

"I can't get away! I can't get away!"

Mitch rose to his feet and put a hand gently on his shoulder. "It's okay, Harry, I'm going to count from one to five, and when I get to…"

"Please don't! Stop!" begged Harry, beginning to struggle.

"Harry, it's okay," continued Mitch.

But Harry didn't hear the therapist. He was lost in his own memories unable to make sense of them or his surroundings. He felt himself fall to the ground and desperately he crawled to the corner of the room, curling up in a tight ball. He began to tremble as he rocked back and forth, tears cascading down his face.

Soon a pair or arms wrapped around him. Harry struggled against them fearfully, but they didn't let go. They only squeezed him tighter and soft words were whispered in his ear. Harry cried and struggled until he realized that it was useless. He couldn't get away. Just like in his dream. Finally, he went limp and began to realize that the arms holding him were not trying to hurt him, but comfort him.

Slowly he calmed down and peeked open his eyes to see Remus holding him tightly. "It's alright, Harry. I've got you, you're safe," the man said.

Harry sobbed in relief and could now hear Mitch apologizing. "I'm so sorry… I've never had a patient break out of hypnosis like that. I lost control…"

"I should have told you that it wouldn't have worked. He can break an imperius charm," said Remus, almost fondly. "Was it what we expected?"

Mitchell nodded reluctantly. "He didn't say much but I think he said enough to confirm Madam Pomfrey's diagnostic scans…"

"I was afraid of that," Remus said quietly, stroking Harry's hair.

"I'm so sorry, I couldn't get away…" mumbled Harry through his tears, knowing now what they were discussing.

"It's okay," said Remus, rocking the boy gently now as he soothed him. "It's not your fault. It was never your fault. What he did to you was wrong…"

Deep down Harry knew this, but couldn't help but feel disgusted with himself. He hated the feel of his own skin and wished desperately he had access to his mirror shards. He didn't know how he was going to deal with this knowledge, but one thing was for certain, Ron and Hermione could never know.

Eventually he was led back over the couch and administered a calming draught. He felt every muscle in his body begin to relax, but he was still quite distraught. The potion hadn't done anything to ease his mind… and now he was left with horrifying knowledge that life with the Dursleys was much worse than he could have ever imagined.

* * *

A/N: I had some help with the hypnosis courtesy of the internet. I would provide the internet address here if it were allowed, but since I can't please know that the hypnosis directions are not my own and I do not take credit for them. You may all draw your own conclusion as to what exactly happened to poor Harry. I didn't want to write it all here, figuring you probably could fill in the details yourself, but it was horrible to say the least.


	23. August 22, 1996

**August 22, 1996**

After therapy yesterday, Remus convinced Harry that he should at least talk to Dumbledore about the possibility of pressing charges against his uncle. Harry didn't even want to entertain the idea, but reluctantly agreed that it couldn't hurt to at least talk about it.

So that was how he ended up in Dumbledore's office with Remus and Mitchell the next morning. Mitch didn't usually come to the castle on Thursdays, but he rearranged his schedule so that he could support Harry if he needed it.

They were quietly waiting for the headmaster to arrive. Harry glanced around the circular office at the many portraits of old headmasters and headmistresses and the numerous spindly tables, upon which were set delicate looking silver instruments. Fawkes was missing for some reason, and Harry wondered if the phoenix was off flying somewhere.

Harry had not been in here since he had destroyed Dumbledore's office in June. He had been so overcome by his grief after losing Sirius and learning about the prophecy that he had acted out in pure rage. Dumbledore had not seemed to care that Harry was smashing everything at the time and by the looks of it the headmaster had since repaired his things. Thinking of his last experience here, Harry had to swallow the lump that was growing in his throat. Sitting here only made him remember what had happened to his godfather.

Dumbledore soon came into his office, his robes swirling about his feet. "Sorry to keep you waiting," the wizard said, as he took a seat behind his desk.

Harry had not seen the headmaster since he was brought to Hogwarts and could only assume that he had been out on business for the Order. Harry desperately wanted to know what was going on with the war and Voldemort, but he felt certain that he was being intentionally left in the dark again. He had tried to ask Remus about it once before, but was assured that since his guardian had come to stay at the castle he had not attended any Order meetings and was just out of the loop as he was. That wasn't why they were gathered today anyway, however, and Harry mentally prepared himself for what was to likely become a difficult conversation.

"Do you understand why you are here?" Dumbledore asked Harry. The teen nodded warily and wringed his hands in his lap anxiously. "I had wanted to discuss this matter with you sooner, but Remus felt that you needed some time. What do you want to do about your uncle?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't know."

Mitch turned toward him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Harry… your uncle really should be charged with criminal abuse…and with-"

"How does that work exactly?" he asked, cutting the healer off.

"Aurors will arrest your uncle and bring him before the Wizengamot, where testimony will need to be given. If found guilty he will serve time in Azkaban," Dumbledore explained.

"I'd have to give testimony?"

"If you wanted to you could, but Remus and Mitchell could testify in your behalf."

"But… everyone knows my name… and I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to figure out who my uncle is…. it would be in the papers the following morning," said Harry, growing anxious.

He subconsciously began clawing at his arms and Remus reached out to still the movement. Harry looked down and saw what he was doing and promptly sat on his hands.

"Unfortunately, that is a possibility," Dumbledore replied.

"Then I don't want to do it. Besides, I don't really care if anything happens to my uncle, anyway."

Remus sighed in frustration. "Harry, what he did to you was wrong. He deserves to be punished."

"I don't care! I don't want anyone else to know!"

"Harry, would it really be so awful that others know you were treated so horribly?" Mitch asked softly.

"Yes!" Harry yelled. "You don't know what it's like being me. The media prints all these awful rumors about me already, can you imagine all the horrid things the Daily Prophet would come up with if they learned about my home life?"

"Can we at least consider this?" Remus asked.

Harry looked from his guardian to the headmaster. "Can you assure me that the trial could go on without anyone outside the Wizengamot finding out?"

Dumbledore shook his head. "Unfortunately, no I cannot."

"Then I don't want to do it! End of story!"

"What about the Muggle authorities? Could we get them involved?" Mitchell inquired on Harry's behalf.

"We erased any evidence of the abuse when we healed Harry. Without proof it would be all hearsay," the headmaster replied. "The proof we'd use for the Wizengamot are all magical in nature so they could not be used in a Muggle courtroom.

"Alright, I guess it's decided then," Harry said standing up from his chair.

"Harry-"

"No, I don't want to talk about it anymore. And that's final!" he said, stalking away moodily and leaving the three adults staring after him in silence.


	24. August 23, 1996

**August 23, 1996**

Therapy was rather difficult today. Mitch had used hypnotherapy on him again, after administering him a calming draught, and brought out some more rather painful memories. Harry left their session today feeling quite drained.

He trudged up to the Owlery to visit Hedwig, knowing that seeing his beloved pet would bring him some comfort him. While he was there he saw a familiar small blob of gray flying towards. He sighed as he realized it was Pig yet again. He was really starting to feel bad for the poor thing. Couldn't they send Errol instead? The older bird certainly had difficulty but he could at least make the journey once a week. It made no sense sending Pig every time. If nothing else, his friends were certainly persistent.

_Harry,_

_What's wrong with you mate? Why are you throwing away 5 years of friendship?_

_Ron_

Is that really what he was doing now? He knew now that he wasn't going to push away Ron and Hermione, but they certainly didn't know that. He had never gotten around to drafting the letter that he had fully intended to write to them, and with what had happened this week he really didn't feel up to it. He hoped that they would eventually understand.


	25. August 24, 1996

**August 24, 1996**

_Dear Harry,_

_Ron's not doing so well. He's been really moody. He seems to alternate between sadness and anger. I think he's hurting because you are pushing us away like this. His moods are kind of hard to predict, and it has caused many fights between us. It's like we're missing a piece of ourselves and we can't function properly with out it. That piece is you!_

_It's just not the same without you. Why won't you write? I'm so worried that one of my best friends is hurting and not letting us help him. I feel as though we've lost you. Some days I feel as though I'm grieving not only for Sirius, but for you as well. Just let us in! We would never judge you or think less of you. Let us be your friends!_

_Love, Hermione_

Harry felt bad about causing his friends such pain, but he still couldn't bring himself to reply. He was still just too ashamed about what had happened to him. They probably wouldn't understand anyway. He placed the letter and with the others at the bottom of his trunk.


	26. August 25, 1996

**August 25, 1996**

"Hey, what are you up to?" Remus asked, as he poked his head into Harry's dorm room.

"Just trying to work on some homework," he said. "Why, what's up?"

"Feel like taking a break?"

Harry, who had been lying across his bed amidst a pile of books and papers, sat up excitedly. "Sure."

"I thought we could go into Hogsmeade today."

"Really?"

Remus nodded. "School starts in a week and I thought it would be nice to get you some new things."

"Oh, you don't have to do that…" Harry began, knowing that Remus didn't really have the funds to buy him new clothes.

"Nonsense, it's the least I can do being your guardian and all," he replied. "It's about time we got around to replacing some of your clothes."

Harry smiled at the prospect of having some things that actually fit him and agreed. He could always pay him back later, after he had drawn some money from Gringott's.

"Won't it be dangerous?" Harry asked, suddenly thinking about all the Death Eaters that would love to get their hands on him.

"We should be fine. I still have the portkey we used to come to the castle. If you stay close, we shouldn't have any problems."

"Okay," Harry said agreeably as he tidied up his school things on his bed.

Harry was surprised when Remus handed him his wand, and knew that the man trusted him not to use it to transfigure anything to harm himself again. It was a big step in building their relationship.

They walked to the village enjoying each other's company. Harry was starting to become quite fond of Remus and he was reminded of all the time they had spent together third year when the professor was helping him to perfect his patronus charm.

"I have something I need to tell you…" Remus suddenly began half way to Hogsmeade.

"What?" Harry asked, noticing the worried tone in his voice.

"Sirius's will has been finalized and he left both you and I part of his inheritance."

Harry never expected him to say that. "Oh," he said lamely.

"He left us both a large sum of money and he bequeathed Grimmauld Place to you. It's your home now," he revealed. "The money and the deed have both been transferred to your vault at Gringott's."

Harry nodded mutely. Now he understood why Remus was suddenly interested in buying him some new things.

"Are you alright?" Remus asked, placing a hand on Harry's shoulder in concern.

"Yeah. It's just unexpected, I guess."

"I know what you mean… I didn't even know that Sirius had drawn up a will."

"Do you think he expected to die?"

Remus seemed taken aback by this. "No… he just knew like all of us do in the Order that we routinely put our lives at risk to save others. I suppose he was just being responsible. There's a first time for everything…"

Harry laughed at this. In life, Sirius had been anything but responsible.

They quickly reached Hogsmeade and enjoyed lunch at the Three Broomsticks. Harry hadn't had a ButterBeer in a long while and indulged himself by consuming three of them. Their mood was quiet, both thinking about their lost friend, but they tried not to dwell on it. The pair then set off towards the shops.

By the time the day ended Harry had two new sets of school robes, several pairs of pants and shirts, new shoes, supplies for his potion kit, his sixth year books, and even a new haircut that suited his naturally messy hair. Remus had purchased some new robes for himself as well.

Harry decided to wear one of his new outfits home. With his new hair cut and clothes that actually fit, Harry was beginning to feel a lot better about himself. He had gained a little weight since coming to Hogwarts and Madam Pomfrey assured him with the proper nutrition he'd experience a growth spurt soon.

He must have been beaming, because Remus looked over several times on the walk home and smiled. He seemed pleased that he was able to make Harry so happy. And he was… for the first time in a long time.


	27. August 26, 1996

**August 26, 1996**

The happiness Harry had felt the day before was short lived. After therapy today, Harry felt grumpy and unsettled. The dreams weren't getting any better and now that he was beginning to understand what they meant, he wished they'd go away.

He cheered up a bit at the sight of Pig when he reached the tower. He offered Pig some owl treats he had bought while in Hogsmeade and read his letter.

_H-_

_Why are you doing this? Hermione now seems to think that you are ignoring us because you think that avoiding us will somehow prevent us from coming to harm. Do you think pushing us away is going to solve anything? You can't protect us from this war. We're as much in this as you are. It's not going to bring Sirius back!_

_-R_

Harry couldn't help but feel angry at Ron. Who did he think he was presuming to know why he was pushing them away? He was right, of course, but still. He had no right bringing up Sirius like that!

The pain over losing his godfather was still so raw that it was almost tangible, especially after the inheritance he had left to Harry. He sent Pig away without a reply once more.


	28. August 27, 1996

**August 27, 1996**

_H-_

_I'm sorry._

_-R_

After reading the letter, Harry knew that he had already forgiven his friend. But it was still nice to get the apology. He placed the short note with all the others and went downstairs to find Remus.

The older man had been working on his curriculum all week, but set it aside as soon as he saw Harry.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi."

"Are you alright?" Remus asked. Harry knew he was still concerned about what he had learned about Harry's awful childhood and how the teen was dealing with it.

Harry nodded. "Just bored."

"Feel like taking a walk through the castle?" Remus asked.

Harry nodded again agreeably and the pair set out in a different direction this time, intent on exploring every last inch of this fascinating castle. Harry felt that he could write in his own version of _Hogwarts, A History_ after all the interesting things they discovered.

On their journey they ran into Professor's McGonagall, Sprout, and Flitwick. Neither seemed surprised to see Harry so he figured they most have been filled in by the headmaster. After the usual pleasantries, they set off on their own again in search of a moving doorway that Remus had once discovered as a student.

"Will you be okay on your own for a bit tomorrow?" Remus suddenly asked.

"Why? Where are you going?" Harry asked worriedly. They had only just begun to connect and Harry didn't really want to be apart from the man now. He knew it was childish, but couldn't help but feel attached.

"Tomorrow is the full moon," Remus reminded him. "I'll be heading down the dungeons later this evening."

"Oh." Harry had forgotten about that.

"It's not too late to have Ron and Hermione come for a visit if you'd like," he said.

"No, that's alright."

"You're sure?"

Harry nodded. He didn't know how his friends would respond if he suddenly wrote them a letter out of the blue requesting their presence at the castle. If they were upset with him and rejected his request, he wasn't sure that he would be to take it.

He decided it was better to wait until the start of the school year. September 1st had always been about beginnings for him. Beginnings of a better life, beginnings of a blessed six months away from his relative, beginnings of friendship, beginnings of another year. September 1st would hopefully be a beginning of something else this year.

Forgiveness.


	29. August 28, 1996

**August 28, 1996**

After seeing Mitchell again, Harry was feeling particularly lonely. Part of him wished that he had asked his friends to stay with him in the castle while Remus made his transformation, but another part of him was still afraid to see them. He decided that he would go against his guardian's wishes and go down to visit him tonight.

After the house elves had cleared dinner from the common room, Harry grabbed his invisibility cloak and made his way through the castle. Although the castle was still mostly empty, he didn't want to chance running into one of the professors this evening.

He had never been very far down in the dungeons before. He had only ever gone as for as the Potion's classroom and the Slytherin common room and he was rather nervous. He wasn't sure what he would find there or what state Remus would be in.

He had made it all the way down to the lower level of the castle without running into anyone, but as chance would have it he wasn't ask lucky once he reached the dungeons.

Filch was nosing around some storage closet, for what reason Harry had no idea. He wasn't too worried about it because he knew that with the invisibility cloak he wouldn't be detected, but he hadn't counted on the caretaker's cat, Mrs. Norris.

Harry was tip toeing by when the mangy cat suddenly snapped up her head from licking her paws and looked at him strangely. He was sure she wasn't able to see him, but what if she could hear him or something. He backed away slowly, hoping she would go back to preening herself when she suddenly began to follow.

"What is it my pretty?" Filch asked his beloved pet, peeking his head out of the closet.

Mrs. Norris meowed in his direction and continued her pursuit.

"Do you see something?" he asked, peering in Harry's direction.

Harry stopped moving in case the hateful man could hear his cloak swishing or something and willed the cat to go away.

"Ah, it's probably just a ghost!" he the man retorted, waving his pet off in irritation.

He apparently found whatever he was looking for, because Filch pulled back from the small closet once more and grabbed his lantern. "C'mon little one. Time to go."

Mrs. Norris seemed to hesitate, but finally obeyed after meowing at Harry once more. Harry exhaled in relief, having not even realizing he had been holding his breath all this time.

He didn't know where he would find Remus so he began to poke his head in each room. All he found were many unused classrooms and offices. Then he heard a soft whine from the end of the corridor. Harry walked quietly down the hall and peeked into the open doorway and saw a cell with bars across the front. Beyond the many bars lay a large furry grey shape on the floor. A goblet, which presumably had once contained the Wolfsbane potion Remus took each month, lay on the floor beside him.

Seeing that he was safe from harm, Harry slowly entered and took off his cloak.

"Remus…" he whispered, not sure if he should disturb him.

The werewolf whined softly and picked up his head. Seeing who had entered the dungeon, he gingerly rose to all fours and padded towards him. This wolf was very different than the one that Harry had encountered in his third year. There was intelligence behind those pain filled eyes, instead of primal hunger. Harry knew that the wolf recognized him.

"Hi," said Harry. "I know you didn't want me to come, but I had to see you."

The wolf whined in concern, and Harry knew that he must have thought that he was upset about something.

"I'm okay, I didn't mean for it to come out like that… I was worried about you," he said as he sat down cross-legged on the floor.

Remus chuffed softly and Harry took it to mean he shouldn't have come.

"I'm sure you're mad at me, but I don't care."

The werewolf lowered his head in consent and then gently butted his head against the bars. Harry reached out hesitantly, unsure if it would spook him if he petted Remus in his wolf form, but did so anyway. Remus grunted happily and stroked his large face against the cool bars as Harry patted the coarse fur and scratched him around the ears.

With the aid of the Wolfsbane potion, Remus was as harmless as Padfoot had been, but Harry understood his hesitation to walk around free. The wolf inside of him was still wild and unpredictable. He would never forgive himself if Harry or anyone else came to harm because of this monthly transformation. It probably gave him piece of mind to be locked behind bars.

Harry stayed for a short while to make sure that his friend was okay. When the hour grew late, Harry retired to his dormitory feeling a lot less alone than he had before.


	30. August 29, 1996

**August 29, 1996**

Harry had expected to see Remus at breakfast the following morning, but when he came downstairs the found the table set for only one. He ate his breakfast in silence, wondering if his guardian was recovering okay.

When Remus still did not return at lunch time, Harry grew worried. Hoping that nothing had gone wrong, Harry headed towards the dungeons to find the man.

He was so lost in thought that he didn't even see the professor until he collided with the man. Harry fell backwards onto his bottom and looked up with a smile thinking he had run into Remus… only to be greeted with a deep frown.

"You might try actually watching were you're going, Potter," Snape said, his voice laced with disdain. He was clad in black robes, as usual, with his arms crossed over his chest.

"S-sorry sir," he managed to say as he stumbled to his feet. He hadn't seen Snape in the castle yet and definitely had not expected to run into the infuriating man.

"I heard you were staying in the castle this summer," he began. "Was poor Potter missing his dogfather so much that he just had to come stay with his werewolf friend to feel better?"

Anger seared across Harry's chest and he clenched his fists tightly, knowing that the man would only misconstrue anything he had to say. Apparently the Order had not been told why he was taken from his relatives as he had expected. Harry was somewhat surprised by this. Dumbledore had managed to preserve his dignity after all.

"Or did your relatives not dote on you enough this summer? Did you think you could take advantage of Lupin and his new found inheritance?"

"It's not like that," Harry said hotly.

"It wasn't enough that you received a small fortune of your own, but you had to also leech off Lupin as well," said Snape, the hatred evident in his eyes.

"I've done no such thing!"

Snape sneered down at them. "Oh, really? The clothes you are wearing look fairly new. Who bought them for you?"

Harry looked down at what he was wearing, something he had been proud to put on earlier, but now he felt almost ashamed.

"I thought so," Snape continued, looking quite proud of himself for his observation. "It wasn't enough to be spoiled by your relatives, but now your taking advantage of-"

"That's enough!" Remus yelled, coming up behind them now.

Snape turned in surprise, obviously having not realized that their conversation had been overheard.

"How dare you treat a student that way!" he said, looking quite indignant.

Harry couldn't help but notice how weak his guardian was and that he was limping slightly.

"I was merely making an observation," Snape replied snidely.

"No you weren't! You were falsely belittling him about something you know nothing about!"

"Oh, really? Do enlighten me."

"I will do no such thing. It's none of your business why Harry is here with me. And if I hear you address him with anything other than a professional manner again I will take it up with the headmaster. Do you understand?"

Snape nodded, almost imperceptibly, his eyes filled with a mixture of confusion and curiosity.

"Come along now, Harry," said Remus, placing a hand on shoulder and guiding him away.

When they were out of earshot, Harry let out the breath he was holding and said, "He is such a git!"

"I know."

"Who does he think he is? He knows nothing about me!"

"Try to let it go, Harry."

"But he's had it out for me forever!"

"I'm sorry about that," Remus said softly. "You don't have to put up with that anymore. If he says anything else to you like that, let me know and I'll take care of it."

"Thanks," he replied gratefully. It was nice having someone to finally look out for him. "Where were you?"

"The infirmary…"

"Why?" Harry asked, suddenly concerned.

"As I get older the transformations become more difficult. My body has trouble handling the abrupt change. Madam Pomfrey helps me to overcome it much as possible."

"Are you pain?" Harry asked, noticing the limp.

"It's not bad… don't worry."

Harry nodded. "How did you know where to find me?"

"When you weren't in the tower I figured you might have gone looking for me," said Remus. "Like you did last night…"

Harry didn't know what to stay to him. Although he had enjoyed spending time with Remus in his wolf form as last night, he had disobeyed a direct order, and he expected to be punished as a result. He hung his head, waiting to hear what disciplinary action Remus might take.

"Thank you…"

"What?" Harry asked in surprise.

"I haven't had any one stay with me like that since… well since Sirius died. I hate being alone. So thank you…"

"You're welcome," Harry said softly, astonished that his presence had been so welcomed.

"Oh, before I forget. You've got _another_ letter," said Remus handing it over. "They sure are determined."

"Yeah, I know," he said, before reading the parchment.

_Harry,_

_We know you're probably still upset, but if you are ending this friendship at least have the decency to tell us so in writing. _

_Love, Hermione. _

"You really should write them," Remus suggested.

"Yeah, I know…" Harry said once more.

They slowly walked back to the common room, neither one having much else to say.


	31. August 30, 1996

**August 30, 1996**

Harry knocked on the door to the office Mitchell used for their sessions with trepidation in his heart. This was to be the last time they met before school resumed, and to be honest Harry didn't know how he felt about that. Things had gone much better than he had expected over the course of the last month, and Harry felt almost dependent on Mitch as his confidant.

"How are you doing?" Mitchell asked once Harry was seated in his usual chair.

"Alright, I guess," he said truthfully.

"Are the nightmares being held at bay yet?"

Harry shook his head.

Mitchell looked genuinely concerned. "Are you still dreaming about the same memory?"

"Sometimes," he admitted, picking a loose thread on the arm of the chair. "But lately I've been dreaming about Ron and Hermione hating me for ignoring their letters."

"You're worried about seeing them again Sunday aren't you?" he asked. Harry nodded. "What are you worried about most?"

"That they're fed up with me and don't want to be my friend anymore," he admitted. "They've been my best friends since first year. I don't know what I would do without them."

"And yet you were so eager to push them away earlier this summer…" Mitch pointed out.

"Yeah, I know. But I don't think that plan would've really worked anyway."

"Just take it slow. Things are bound to be a bit rocky at first," he said, alluding to all the unanswered letters. "But if they are as good of friends as you say they are then I'm sure they will come around."

"I hope so."

"How is everything going with Remus?"

"Great. Things are good."

"I'm happy to hear that," Mitch said, a smile crossing his face. "You two are getting along now?"

Harry nodded and smiled in returned. He loved having Remus as a guardian now, but he wasn't sure how their relationship would change when they had to go back to being student and professor this fall.

"And are you ready for the start of school?"

"As ready as I can be. At least I finished my homework this year."

"That's good. And how do you feel about this being our last time together?"

Harry knew that question would be coming. "I don't know…"

"Be honest. Are you glad that you don't have to see me anymore or are you anxious to have our meetings come to an end?"

"More anxious, I guess."

"What are you worried about?"

"That I'll remember something else or that my nightmares will get worse and I won't have you to talk to…"

"You have Remus and your friends," Mitch reminded him.

"I know," said Harry. "But it's been nice to have you to talk to as well."

"Do you wish to still meet with me?"

Harry shrugged. "Kinda."

"I don't believe this office is used during the school year. Why don't we meet here after the first couple of weeks of school and see how things are going? I'm sure Dumbledore will approve. After that we can meet once a month, or more if necessary, until you feel better about everything."

Harry felt a sudden relief fill his chest. "That would be great."

Mitch smiled, glad that he could help put his patient at ease. They continued the rest of the session by discussing all the strides Harry had been making and repeated the list of strategies he could use to help ease his anxiety after a nightmare.

Harry had not cut himself again since that second night he had returned to the castle, but that didn't mean the he didn't still feeling the urge. He caught himself sometimes clawing at his arms after a particularly horrific dream, but for the most part he felt like he was getting better.

After the long session, Harry went in search of his guardian, but found that he was to spend the rest of the day on his own. Although weak from his transformation, Remus had to spent most of the day in staff meetings, so Harry didn't see much of him. With permission, he decided to spend some time with Hagrid. The half-giant had asked him to help him get ready for the Care of Magical Creatures class he taught and Harry was only more than happy to oblige.

It kept his mind off unpleasant things. Things that still plagued him during the night.


	32. August 31, 1996

**August 31, 1996**

The thought of his friends returning tomorrow was almost enough to send Harry into a full blown panic attack. He was terrified to see them again, not knowing if his lack of communication really had been enough to push them away, though it was no longer intended.

Harry had learned a lot about himself this past month, mostly through the help of Mitchell and Remus. Memories long forgotten but had deeply affected him nonetheless had come to light and he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to accept the things that had happened to him. He was dealing with it all, which he was told was healthy, but he didn't know if he would ever be able to share everything with Ron and Hermione.

He knew they would come with questions, lots and lots of questions. Questions he knew he would not be able to answer, at least right away. Would his reluctance end their friendship once and for all? Would they be disgusted with him if they ever learned the truth? Would they ever understand the depth of his affection for them both? Those were just some of the questions that Harry was living with this past week and he wondered if he would ever find the answers to them all.

He was anxious all evening, despite Remus's assurances that everything would be okay tomorrow. It wasn't until he saw Pig soaring through an open window late that evening that a little spark of hope began grow within him. He read the letter to himself several times, wondering if it was too good to be true.

_Dear Harry,_

_We know you're probably still angry with us, but we would like to make it up to you. Please don't ignore us when we return tomorrow. We'll see you at the feast._

_Love, Hermione and Ron_

Despite his nightmares that night, Harry felt a sense of hope for the first time that things could get better. He would be reunited with the two people he loved most in this world in just in a matter of hours. Hope was a very precious thing.


	33. September 1, 1996

A/N: Well this is it... the last chapter. I hope you enjoyed my daily updates. Many thanks to all my dedicated readers/reviewers and to my wonderful beta Acciodanrad9.

**

* * *

****September 1, 1996**

Harry couldn't seem to calm his racing heart. He had been on edge all day and the thought of seeing Ron and Hermione again was enough to send him running to the loo to empty his nervous stomach.

He knew he had been a rotten friend. What if they could never forgive him?

After dressing in his school robes, Harry trudged down from his dormitory and met Remus in the common room.

"Are you okay?" he asked, noticing how pale Harry had become.

Harry shook his head in reply.

"Nervous about seeing your friends?"

Harry nodded, still not able to find his voice.

"It'll be okay," said Remus, trying to reassure him. He pulled the boy into a half arm hug and ruffled his hair.

"How do you know?"

"They've written you nearly everyday since you've come here. If that's not proof that they still want to be your friend, than I don't know what is."

Remus was right. Hermione and Ron hadn't let him down. Although their letters were sometimes filled with frustration and regret, they had never failed to write.

"Do you want to wait for them at the main entrance?" Remus asked.

"Can't I wait here?"

"It's customary for the students to meet in the Great Hall before going to the dormitories."

"Please…"

"Alright," Remus relented. "I'll let them know you're here, but do try to make it back for the Welcoming Feast."

Harry nodded and his guardian released him. "Thanks."

Remus slipped out the portrait entrance leaving Harry alone with his thoughts. He stood there staring at the fire for a long while with his arms crossed over his chest. He became so mesmerized by watching the orange and yellow flames lick at the logs that he hadn't even heard his friends' arrival.

But then he heard Hermione call out to him. "Harry?"

Harry turned around and unfolded his arms so that they dropped by his sides as a smile slowly spread across his face. That seemed to be all the assurance that Ron and Hermione needed. They quickly crossed the room and embraced Harry warmly at the same time. Their arms wrapped around him and he leaned into them for support. For some reason Harry couldn't seem to return the hug himself. He still felt badly about the way he had treated them all summer and there was a lot he needed to say to them. They stood that way for several minutes, and Harry relished the feel of having their arms around him.

"We've missed you so much," Hermione said softly.

Harry had expected them to be upset with him and here they were being so gentle and kind. It was more than he deserved and he knew it. Harry leaned into them a little more, his breath hitching slightly as he felt the tears prickle behind his eyes.

Ron reached up and wrapped his arm around Harry's neck, pulling him towards him slightly as he whispered in his ear, "It's alright, mate."

Harry's heart swelled at the gesture and he nodded gratefully. Ron and Hermione finally pulled back, getting good look at him for the first time. He knew he looked a little different than the last time they had seen him and he was hoping that it was for the better.

He knew they were probably waiting for him to say something, but he couldn't seem to squash the lump in his throat. This was going so much better than he had anticipated and he didn't want to ruin it by saying something stupid.

Hermione couldn't seem to wait any longer and decided to begin the awful conversation herself. "Why didn't you write? Why didn't you want to see us?" she asked, quickly wiping her eyes with the back of her hand as the tears began to fall.

Harry looked at both of them pitifully. "I…I don't know how to explain it."

"Try," said Ron firmly.

Harry was silent for a long while as he worried his bottom lip between his teeth. He looked across the room, away from them, and stared. How do you explain that you thought you were keeping them safe by pushing them away? That you thought it was better than them knowing the truth about you? How do you tell your best friends all of the awful things you had been through? How do you tell them that there was still so much that had been left unsaid?

Several minutes passed in silence before he finally spoke. "It's just… I… I never wanted either of you to know anything about…" Harry finally said, trying desperately to swallow the lump his throat that signaled that the tears were about to come. "I…I felt… _Why is this so hard?..._ I just… I was afraid of what you might think… or find out…"

"Why?" asked Hermione sadly. "What happened?"

"It's private, okay?" Harry pleaded desperately. "I've had an awful time of it for a very long time and I don't want to go into it. At least not right now…"

"But-" Hermione began. Ron had cut her off.

Putting a hand on Harry's shoulder he said, "We understand Harry. But you never have to be afraid to tell us anything. We'll never think of you differently. We care about you mate, we always will. But you have to understand how scared we were… we didn't know what to think when we saw… you know…."

Tears finally sprung to Harry's eyes, as he realized that Ron was indicating the self-inflicted cuts that they had found on his arms. He was still so embarrassed that they had seen all of that. "Everything… everything was so messed up. I didn't know how to deal with it…"

Ron pulled Harry to him in a rough embrace, and said, "It's okay, Harry. You can tell us when you're ready."

Harry relished the comfort of Ron's arms around him thankful that his friend knew better than to push him to talk right now. A warmth spread across his chest and for the first time in a long time, he felt almost happy.

Hermione joined them once more, wrapping her arms around Harry as well and resting her head on his shoulder. Harry leaned into her embrace and rested the side of his face against her soft hair. Nothing had ever felt so right.

"Please don't push us away again," she pleaded.

"I won't," Harry said softly and he really meant it. He was lost without his friends. "I'm sorry…"

Harry finally raised his arms and pulled his friends closer to him. He had never been comfortable giving affection, having been raised without ever feeling the comfort of a simple hug, but his time spent with Remus had begun to remedy that. He held his friends tightly, knowing already that they had forgiven him.

Although it was unspoken, all three of them could feel it. They weren't truly whole unless they were all together. This was how it was meant to be. They stayed like this for a long while, until Hermione realized how late it was getting. Someone would eventually see that they were missing and come looking for them.

"We should be getting to the feast," said Hermione, always the sensible one. "Someone will notice that we're gone soon."

Ron and Harry both nodded, knowing that she was right. They stepped out into the hallway, but couldn't seem to pull themselves apart. They walked with their arms around each other until they reached the Great Hall.

Ron quickly led the way to the Gryffindor table and the threesome sat down at the end, ignoring the looks from their curious house mates wondering about their tardiness. Ron sat across from Harry and Hermione. When it was clear that they were still at the center of attention, he gave the others a glare as if to say, "Mind your own business."

Thankfully, it was enough to stop their inquisitive stares, at least for now. As everyone started to help themselves to glorious food, Harry felt a rough hand slip into his own. He looked down and saw that Ron had reached under the table and had secretly taken not only his own, but Hermione's hand as well. He gave them both a reassuring squeeze before pulling away and grabbing a turkey leg from a nearby platter. Harry's heart swelled once more, not quite sure why the touch of Ron's hand would bring him so much pleasure.

Then the red head shot the both a million watt smile and said, "Well, what are you waiting for? Let's eat!"

Harry and Hermione laughed at that and shared a smile. Together they both began adding the delicious food to their plates, thoroughly enjoying being in each other's presence. Harry's nervous stomach was feeling much better now and seemed to appreciate having food in it once more.

Midway through their meal, Harry looked towards the staff table and saw that Remus was watching him curiously. His guardian smiled reassuringly at Harry and then nodded, silently telling him that "_See, I was right. Everything was going to be okay."_

And it would be too. Hermione and Ron would see to that. He knew in his heart that he would never be alone again. He was with them now, where he should be.

* * *

A/N: I know that last chapter was _a lot_ like chapter 8 of the original story, nearly identical, but it felt right to end it by showing their reunion from Harry's perspective. I hope you enjoyed this little story. I have a few ideas of some one shots, or maybe a short chapter fic, that explores the trio's possible romantic realtionship a little more in a sequel, but nothing definite. If you have any ideas about what you might like to see, please let me know. Sorry, but it may be awhile before I writing anything so don't expect anything any time soon. Thanks for reading.

_**Don't forget to leave a review if you haven't already!**_


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